I have been having a hard time. With both school, family, and work.
I think I’m going to lose my job and got sent home today from a small incident from a job I’ve been working over 2 1/2 FUCKING YEARS for! It ruined my chances to get promoted and I even fucked up literally a year ago and it took me a month and a half to fight to get myself put on the schedule while half the supervisors or other guards broke rules and huh, guess what? They get away with it and are put on the schedule. I will put in my 2 week notice and quit if my boss decides to fire me.
And for school, idk anymore. I want to get into nursing school and my gpa isn’t where I want it to be. I’m trying very hard and struggle but always end up doing well in the end. I’m so sick and tired of the pressure and feeling stressed. I feel like I’m getting to the point where I won’t get anywhere in life because I tried out 3 times for my university’s music school for Music Therapy (clinical and evidence-based use of music interventions to address non-music therapeutic goals) and they thought I wasn’t good enough and didn’t bother accepting me but wait, they let me take 2 classes where I had to repeat 1 and repeat another class and STILL not passed! If they actually let me in, I would’ve graduated next year, in 2020! But nope! Because of them, I’m switching majors bc I couldn’t take it anymore. I feel like I won’t be happy with any of my jobs in the future and I’m not talented or good enough.
I’m used to being rejected because I’ve done things like try out for music related things, went to job interviews, did sorority recruitment, and wanna know what happened? THEY ALL REJECTED ME! I feel like no matter how many times I try out of something or go to a job interview, I will never be accepted! I don’t have a lot of friends and I haven’t had a bf in over 2 years! Even to my family I feel that I’m not good enough.
I don’t plan on doing self destruction or anything like that, but I feel… like it will never get better for me and I will never be happy.
Sorry all, and thx.
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Hi @Darienne_Rose,
I’m Hannah, I’m an intern with HeartSupport. Thank you so much for sharing this, thank you for being a part of this community.
So, I hear you saying that you’re feeling very attacked and very discouraged by work and school. You feel like you have been working so hard at this job and at school that you should be seeing some benefits or reward for your hard work? I get that completely. I work at Starbucks, and a lot of the time at my job I feel like I do my job well and that my hard work goes unnoticed or unrecognized and I sit by while other people, who I perceive to be not as great at their job get recognized and rewarded. Its really hard and it can be especially discouraging if you feel like it just happens over and over again despite how many times you have tried.
I am sure it feels that way with school too, you said you have tried out for this specific music degree quite a lot and haven’t seen any reward for your talent and hard work. I know it can feel like failure sometimes, but maybe it just means you need to go a different rout for what you want to do. It sounds to me like you would like to get into a career helping people through music, I think thats so awesome! I wanted to get into art therapy for a long time, but I ended up going to school for writing instead. Regardless, I am, sure there are other avenues through which you would be able to get into that career; maybe getting a degree just in counseling or psychology? I don’t know the details or credentials you would need, but maybe it would be something to look in to. 
I am really impressed by your tenacity and endurance through numerous challenges and road blocks. You seem very determined and that is truly such a beautiful trait. You are going to do amazing things and help a lot of people whether it is through music or nursing or whichever career path you choose. I am sure that everything will fall into place exactly how it should be.
Thank you for feeling like you could share this with out community, thank you for being honest and vulnerable with your feelings. I hope this is encouraging to you. Always remember that you are loved and accepted here in this community. Hold Fast, friend.
Much love,
Hannah
