I want to distance myself from anxiety, fear and the hold that the past has on me

[Wout_Rock]

Hi guys, I have had some terrible anxiety and depression symptoms for the past two months. It has really gotten me down, especially as I have been living a healthy life, trying to get enough excercise, talking to my family and friends about the issues and struggles that I have been facing. It just does not seem to go away. My sleep has also really been affected through this.

I was hoping that someone could give me support on how to let go of the past failures, and the fear of failure, especially with regards to past relationship. I seem to be constantly dwelling on the past - instead of being present minded.
I am a really postive person, but I have struggled to keep head above water - I feel that prayer has really helped as well as knowing that God has my back no matter what.

Still I can’t seem to forgive myself for the feeling of anxiousness l and this in some cases starts a spiral of comparison without breaking the cycle and uprooting the main issues of loneliness, the need for a partner/romantic relationship in life and a general lack of patience.

It would be awesome if someone could give me tips of overcoming anxiety and fear and living a life of freedom.

[deerintheheadlights]

Hi there Wout_Rock! ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ

I too struggle with letting go of past failures and sometimes get into those downward spirals of dwelling in the past.
One thing that’s helped me is to just…take it one day at a time.

Knowing that others have made mistakes has helped, and also learning how to forgive myself and others for those failures.

Depending on “what speaks to you” it may also help to take physical and symbolic actions to do that.
For me, I acknowledge those failures by writing them out or speaking them into a rock (sea shells work too). And then I just shred, burn, or throw away what I’ve written, or throw that rock as far as possible.

I think it’s also important to know that it’s ok to feel these feelings despite being a really positive person. We positive folk can’t (nor should we expect of ourselves) be positive 100% of the time. It’s just not healthy.

Beating yourself up about them, or denying yourself the right to feel these negative emotions will cause them to get worse.

You’re already doing great by communicating with family and friends about what’s going on with you. You’re exercising, praying and overall trying to live a healthy life…those are great things that help with anxiety and depression!

And sometimes…those feelings still linger and cloak us. Sometimes they come back to haunt us.
And it’s ok.
And it…also sucks because some days it’s hard to continue keeping your head above water.

Another thing that may help is to write down good and wonderful things about yourself that you can refer to later.
Write down things that you’re proud of, times where you’ve overcome anxiety and fears, your truths.

A physical record that illustrates those positive aspects about you, and moments where you were empowered can help you break the spell of those spirals and cycles you’ll find yourself falling in.

I hope some of this helps in some way!
You’re already doing awesome things to work through your anxiety and depression (as mentioned in your first paragraph).

Keep on swimming! You can do it!

-Deer

[Eric]

Hey @Wout_Rock,

@Wout_Rock

It would be awesome if someone could give me tips of overcoming anxiety and fear and living a life of freedom.

I’ve developed the following list for myself to utilize when I’m going through periods of severe anxiety, and I hope it helps you too:

• Take deep breaths every time you think about breathing (via the “4-7-8 method”)
• Consider taking mood-boosting tablets (Omega 3, 5-MTHF)
• Get enough sleep (Go to bed early!)
• Watch/listen to your favorite comedian
• Exercise (Swim, if possible)
• Download Headspace and/or Breath (iOS meditation apps)
• Activate the essential oil diffuser (lavender) and/or mood lights
• Temporarily change music to something relaxing (i.e. Hammock)

Best,
Eric

[Hannah2911]

Hey @Wout_Rock
I feel as though anxiety and dwelling on past mistakes and failures, perceived or real, exist in the form of a roller-coaster. There are ups and downs and everything in between which is ok because the way we respond to anxiety and the thoughts we have about the past exist in the form of a muscle that needs to be strengthened. Being able to combat negative thoughts and feelings about the past or just in general is something that takes time and practice. The more we do it though, the stronger we get and the easier it is to do it.

You mentioned not being able to forgive yourself. I would encourage you to recognize when you may be feeling that and perhaps try to consciously say the opposite. Which, even if you don’t believe it, the more you do it you will start to believe it over time because that will be your first response to those negative thoughts and feelings about yourself regarding your past. Taking care of yourself and continuing to work towards healing takes a lot of strength and courage. So, keep fighting and know that you can do this!

~Hannah

[Wout_Rock]

@Hannah2911 Thank you very much for your earnest and positive feedback. I really appreciate it. One way I have realised is that I need to stop fueling the negative thought by constantly attacking them. I just need to observe them and let them pass. That has really worked.

Thank you for the advice on forgiveness. It is all about practice and strenghening your mind to know that you love yourself and are forgiven.

I’ve also relaised that one of the ways of dealing with anxiety is not to constantly dwell on it wishing it away - instead I have focused on accepting anxiety for what it is. This means to conciously do the things I did/liked before and to face the fear and work through it (instead of around it). Once my mind sees that I am not scared of the anxious feelings then it will pass.

[Wout_Rock]

Thank you Eric! Really helpful tips.
I am currently taking mood boosting tablets and herbal meds. I also do some relaxation excercises (TRE) which really helps.
Taking things slow and less serious, whilst also keeping an open minds and living life in the now, really helps.

[Wout_Rock]

@deerintheheadlights

Depending on “what speaks to you” it may also help to take physical and symbolic actions to do that.
For me, I acknowledge those failures by writing them out or speaking them into a rock (sea shells work too). And then I just shred, burn, or throw away what I’ve written, or throw that rock as far as possible.

That also really helped! Did thay this past Sunday. Threw that rock away far!
Another thing that I have realised is that anxiety can heal when you accept the anxiety (true acceptance) and just flow through it, instead of running away and fearing it.
Stop struggling against it, accepting it and moving towards where I want to be in life!

[deerintheheadlights]

Way to go! ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و
Isn’t it so cathartic and freeing to physically cast your failures away?

Another thing that I have realised is that anxiety can heal when you accept the anxiety (true acceptance) and just flow through it, instead of running away and fearing it.
Stop struggling against it, accepting it and moving towards where I want to be in life!

Yes!! Absolutely! Embracing, accepting, and rolling with it definitely feels counter-intuitive vs going with a flight-or-fight response. But confronting it in a loving and accepting manner will help bring healing and help you move forward with your growth.