I feel out of control. I’m reverting back to the old me but it’s worse this time. Yet it also better. I’m over eating again, and I can’t stop it. My manager tries to help me but I just eat more when I get off work and before I get home. My brother isn’t home so that helps take away from my problems but it also replaces those with new ones. My anxiety is getting out of hand, I start shaking at random moments and feel panicked too. I’m seeing things that aren’t there and I feel like it’s the muscle relaxers but without those I’m in pain when I sleep and I need sleep the most. I feel myself slipping. I just got confidence and some self respect but now its all gone. I hate myself and who I am. I see how much I’ve changed and I hate how I can’t even recognize myself. My family made fun of me for my changes yesterday and they’re right, I’m terrible. I’m just disgusting and I hate having to look at myself. I wish I were never born and I wish I would just die. Everyone would be better off, specially me. Maybe then my pain would stop and my suffering would end.
Is your emotions connected to your eating? If so you need to find another tool to go to for your emotions it is hard as hell to do. I know because I’m trying to do this.
What might help is to eat a well balance meal by having 3 food groups in each meal. (For me that is usually protein, veggies & fruits (sometimes I throw in some nuts or rice for grain). I find the reason I am so hungry is because I didn’t use to eat well balance meals. Also, drinking water mainly instead of other beverages has helped me along with eliminating a lot of bread products (except pizza or tortillas (burritos) every so often). You should actually drink 64 oz. of water a day before you even touch coffee, soda, tea etc. I know like seriously? How I do it is I drink water all day. I drink 8oz of water before a meal & after meal while I drink the rest all day. The only other thing I drink is on Saturday when I make hot chocolate & mix it with coffee.
I now put cleaning my apartment, exercise & walking along with a punching bag as a tool to put my emotions into. So instead of eating comfort food, I put my emotions into my workouts & cleaning.)
I am sorry you are going through this. I hope only good things for you.
You could try counting your bites. You should chew no less than 11 bites but try to chew your food up to 25 times. This will slow down your momentum in eating. Drinking water before you eat will help as well. The reason for this is probably the messages from the organs that are supposed to tell you that you are full aren’t operating correctly. So the only way to get them working properly is time itself.
(Again hard to do when you’re emotionally invested in food even if it is just out of boredom.)
Hope things get better for you.
Alex, thank you for posting. That was BRAVE. Just because someone is family doesn’t mean you should keep them around if they’re toxic and bad for you… I should know, I recently cut off my father. Was it easy? Not at all, but it needed to be done. So sorry about that. Also, sound like you’re dealing with depression maybe, saying you want to die, I would recommend seeing a therapist. You are loved and cared for regardless of what your family says to you. Seek help, and SELF CARE. Love you. Be well.
Alex -
There are a lot of complex things going on here
But first and foremost, you are worth a lot. And we love you.
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