I was born with a defect called spina bifida, in which the spine doesn’t close properly. Because of this, my physical ability is somewhat affected and I have always worn leg braces for all my life. However, my intellectual ability is not affected. When I was a kid, I never really had any issues making any friends. It wasn’t until about 8th grade that other people my age began to see that I was different. Throughout high school, I almost always felt alone. Although I was never physically bullied or beaten up, I always found myself by myself and never really had a lot of people to call a friend because I was different. Most days I would eat lunch alone and do things on my own. No matter what I would do to prove that I wasn’t that different from anyone else, I was always pitied in a way by others because of my disability. When I started going to college last year, I was fortunate enough to find a group of guys who accepted me. However, when they aren’t hanging out with me, they’re pretty much always out with their girlfriends. Being semi-handicapped and all, I’ve never had that much luck with the ladies, and it seems like every time I’ve tried to get a girlfriend, it’s fallen apart mostly because of them pitying me. Also being a naturally shy person (who has gotten a lot better about being more open over the years), I’m one who struggles with talking to girls and trying to start a relationship. Due to my physical circumstances, I feel as if no one wants to be with me because I’m different and “weaker,” and of course being on the shyer side doesn’t help. I’ve struggled with sadness and worthlessness over the years, and I feel like because I can’t find a girl who will truly except me, I will always be alone and will just have to adjust to living on my own my entire life. Even though I am still “young” (I’m 19), I often feel like there’s no hope for me when it comes to this, and there’s nothing I can do about it because it’s just how girls view me because I’m physically different.
You are NOT your disability! Don’t let your disability define who you are. YOU define who you are and how YOU want to live your life DESPITE of the disability.
You definately drew the short stick physically, I won’t deny that. But the way you wrote about it makes me wonder if you don’t have a carreer in writing. Yes, the first people see is your physical body, but it’s a shallow person who just looks at that and doesn’t look beyond. But for that to happen, you’ll need to show the world what you are worth, and in your case I think your words might be your gift. So write. Write anything. But if I was even partially in your shoes, I’d write about the affliction and your daily life. You have a pretty unique point of view, and if you can leave the self-pitty for your condition out of it and describe your daily victories, I am pretty sure you will find people who think you are a hero for dealing with your daily shit, which will lead to friends, and then who knows, even possibly romance. Yes, you have a disadvantage, butyou’re not out for the count.
Best of luck,
Martin / ThatOldDutchGuy
TBH if you feel like you aren’t worth much now. How is your girlfriend going to convince you that you’re worth more once you get one? What is going to convince you she isn’t saying anything because she is pitying you?
I think you should learn to accept yourself first and realized your selfworth is a lot more than you think before you go out and get a girl to take up a task to convince you that you’re worth a whole lot more.
If you don’t accept yourself then you’ll reject others acceptance of you.
You guys are all right. I really need to gain some confidence and not feel so down on myself, but I also need to learn that I don’t need a girlfriend in order to feel complete and worthwhile. Thank you for being honest and telling me how it is and not sugarcoating anything. I’ve already started to feel better about myself since my original post. I just need to trust that there is a girl out there who I’ll find one day that will accept me and embrace my flaws. I have a lot to offer as a person despite my drawbacks, and one day the right person will see that. But for me now I need to focus on myself.
P.S. a lot of people have told me how good of a writer I am. Perhaps one day I’ll write a book about myself lol
Hey, you’re only 19!! Get out there and mix with non-judgemental people!!
Start showing off the things you are good at. Showe you are OK with your disability and people will find them, and you, easier acceptable. 
Hey mawchek, your post spoke to me so much that I felt compelled to respond and reach out to you (plus I’m also going to send this to you in a message) because I am going through this exact situation! I am not an individual living with Spina Bifida, I do however happen to work with children with the condition so I am sorry this has been a cross you’ve had to bear in your life, and by the way you talk about yourself it sounds like you’ve done so with strength and dignity.
I too have had to deal with a genetic defect known as Neurofibromatosis, which basically is an altered gene that causes your body to continually form benign tumors. I have several tumors in my face and skull, and so half of my face is deformed. The childhood you described was pretty similar to mine, but I’ve always been pretty athletic and was able to make friends that way through college. But it’s always been similar for me, I’m 28 and most of my friends and siblings are all married, engaged, or in serious relationships and I’ve never even been in a relationship before. I’ve spent most of my late teens/early adulthood trying to work up the courage to ask girls for coffee and just to chat, and most times it’s ended up in rejection (albeit politely), or they show up with a friend (which has been really embarrassing). Do I necessarily think it is because of the way I look? I refuse to place my perceptions on other people because I have to spend most days taking long hard looks at myself and thinking about how much power I’m going to give other people over my life, and I would encourage you to try and do the same; I’ve had far more negative experiences from your age till now stewing in frustration and feelings of hopelessness than the opposite, which is exploring other passions, ways of finding your own self worth, and taking stock of the love that you do have in your life and cherishing it.
Romantic love and intimacy are all a beautiful part of the human experience, one that should be respected and handled with care. I would encourage you to try and change your frame of mind, to focus less on looking for romantic/intimate love and focus more on love of yourself and the family/friends you already have in your life. We all have in us love to give, use it to improve your sense of self and to make the relationships you already have in your life rock solid! That way on those dark days you have you will KNOW you’re not alone and that you’re loved!
I’ve actually been sitting on this response for a while, so my apologies for responding so late but I had your post bookmarked because I identified with your struggle so much! I hope you get a chance to read it, and I want you to know that you are worth it; you’re strong, you’re loved, and you’re not alone!
Take care, hold fast!