I’m currently undergoing the strongest test of my character I’ve ever had. Every day is a struggle and a battle. I am a soldier in the Army, training for deployment. The hardest thing isn’t even that. I know people tell me I’m a hero and all that jazz but I feel like a villain. I was recently engaged until my fiancé told me she hated me for leaving her and joining the army. She told me she hopes, " You die alone in Afghanistan." I joined the army to give her a future but she doesn’t want that. Not only that but recently I reconnected with a friend and feel that I am destroying her life. I love her very much but feel that I only destroy her. She cares a lot about me too. I just want her to be happy and I know she isn’t happy where she is. I want her to have what she wants in life. I really do. I go to God about these things and it’s like he tells me to be there for her. She is my world. But it hurts knowing that not only if the pain that’s going on in her life will make her have to shut me out, but should I be killed overseas, I will never see her again and will have to leave her behind. I don’t work a very safe job in the army. I’m not a paper pusher. I was recently going to under go special forces training but I withdrew with everything going on right now. My whole life I’ve wanted to just die in battle and be remembered as a hero, but now everything has changed.
I hope it’s okay for me to say that I hope you don’t die, also thank you very much for your service.
Unfortunately, none of us know what God’s plan is but doing your best to follow what God has put on your heart can only make your future and those around you’s future brighter in the long run. If God’s put it on your heart to be there for her and also do special forces and you end up dead in battle as a result, you’ll have to trust that God will use other means to bring her to where she is intended to be.
I’d like to reiterate, I sincerely hope that you don’t die, you sound like an awesome person. But I also hope you, your friend, and fiance(ex?) find the joy in Gods will that he designed for you.
I also hope that helps in some way and that I didn’t totally misunderstand your message…
Hi Dampbread,
I think the biggest thing you can do is stay listening to what God is telling you. “Be there for her.” Maybe the pain she is going through is her own cross she has to bare and God is helping her through her struggles. Maybe what you need to do is just be there for her even in the small ways you can. And you always planned to die in battle, but God changes our plans in some amazing and glorious ways. The future is scary and your career is so dangerous, but I feel like God is trying to show you something new that what you are meant to strive for. Keep listening to Him.
Love,
Cassie
Hey @dampbread I’m sorry that I can’t be of more help as such right now, but I want you to know that what this person said to you is NOT OK. You didn’t deserve that. I know what it’s like to not be supported by the people that are supposed to love you in a decision you’ve made yourself. It hurts so much.
You don’t have to die in battle to be a hero… I have so much respect for anyone in the armed forces etc. however yesterday my therapist asked who my “heroes are” honestly? My answer wasn’t people I’ve known in the forces. The answer was the 2 streamers, Danjo and Casey, and a music streamer I love called Steph. They’ve all been through SO MUCH and come out the other side, and now use their experiences and passion to help other people like myself… To me, anyone who can do that, is a hero. Using their own low points to help save the lives of others going through similar situations. < You are literally going out putting your life on the line for our country, and you’re still concerned looking for advice on how to help the others that are hurting with this choice. The fact you’re trying to help those people already in the eyes of so many already makes you a hero.
I hope you get some peace from this community, and I hope this gets easier.
Hold Fast
Kayla
Hey @dampbread I hope the conversation we had on our live stream today helps encourage you. Hold Fast.
It won’t let me pull up the video unfortunately
You are worth something. Never forget that.