I feel like I’m always drowning in a sea of sadness, nervousness, anger n impending doom barley catching my breath before the next wave of shit tries to submerge me again. I project refractory vibes n bring my wife, my everything down wit me. I’m truly miserable n such a caniving fuk that I convince anyone around me that its some other force like bad luck or a mistake of their part that’s causing the problem. I can’t resist the urge to be a downer, all I want to do is sleep n cry-- but I do neither. I take care of my 2 year old baby girl, we play outside n smile in the sun. I don’t let her see her daddy sad, mommy sees all the time n now she’s depressed too. It’s almost every waking moment I have to resist being needlessly sad. I want tools to extinguish these feelings, I’ve got a little girl who depends on it
Thanks for sharing this. I know it must be hard. I put up a post a little bit ago talking about feeling like drowning and being unable to escape the torment of depression and sadness. I get what you are saying and I am sorry you are suffering. I am married too and I see the toll it takes on my wife. That, of course, makes it even harder because it affects the ones we love. Most days I feel like I am just masking the intense pain, trying to show my family and my coworkers that I have everything together. In reality, I am a bundle of depression, anxiety, and pain.
It sounds like you are a great father. You are trying to show your daughter that you are strong and there for her. That’s incredible. I hope and pray that things get easier for you and that you are able to have some better days my friend. Stay strong. I am trying to do that as well.