My family doesn’t accept me. I know they love me, but they don’t accept me if that makes sense. There are so many things I want to do that I could do right now, when I’m still a kid. But I can’t. I don’t even ask because I know how they are. I feel like I’m wasting away. They don’t want me to be me. They make me feel like some sort of faker or something. I don’t want to pretend to be something I’m not. They’re just so judgemental. Don’t get me wrong, i love my mom and my sisters. However, things are really hard now because my dad is in a fucking affair. We found out (he doesn’t know we know) that it is my oldest sister’s friend. I know I can’t do this, I have to be as strong as possible for my mother right now. But it hurts. I want to get a nose piercing and get these skeleton leggings and dye my hair and juse feel like me. I’m not trying to get attention. I just feel like I’m pretending, like I’m being suppressed. I can’t express myself. I know what the looks on their faces will be.
Please help me. I’m staying alive for my favorite band, my saviours Black Veil Brides, but I just don’t know what to do.
First thank you for posting here. It sounds like you are going through a lot right now. I am so sorry about that and it is so hard when so much doesnt seem to be in your control and you just want it to stop and you would like to just be yourself and now have to worry about others. Well I want to tell you that none of what is going on is on you. Your father made the choice to do what he did. I am sorry about that happening but do not feel like now you need to hold those bridges up because that is more than one person can do. Do not put that on yourself. I want to say that yes they may say no but that doesnt mean that one day you can do those things. I am sensing you really want these things and to have your own voice and you dont and that makes me sad. Sometimes for me having places that I do have a voice helps me the most. So perhaps you could use some where like with HeartSupport to share your voice. Be who you want with us.
Hold fast,
Ash
That’s a lot to be going through right now. I understand feeling like your not able to be yourself around you family. It’s tough, but know that just because you can’t do something right now doesn’t make you fake - even though I know it definitely feels like it. If it helps, when I was in that situation, I found that having open conversations with my parents, about why I liked certain things helped… after a while, the first few conversations were a little rough. And just know that one season where you can’t do something (as your family is currently dealing with a lot), does not compare to the lifetime that is ahead of you - and just because you are an adult doesn’t mean you can’t do the things that you listed. I didn’t get my nose pierced until I was 19 and it’s never been hindered things in my adult life (neither has my choice of hair colours).
I am glad that you have found something to stay alive for. Stay strong, you’ve got this. We are always here for you.
Hey friend,
I was there too once upon a time, if it helps I’m 15. I still struggle with getting my family to understand what it is I love.
I understand the feeling trapped but it gets easier with age and I know you’ve probably heard that a hundred times if not more but it’s just how it is.
I’m so sorry about what you’re dad did, mine did the exact same. Stay strong for your mum but also don’t bottle it up, I made that mistake and I have spent the last three years dealing with all this pent up anger. Don’t be afraid to say how you feel and I know you feel like you have to be strong for everyone else but please don’t sacrifice your own mental health in order to do that.
Have you tried any other outlets to express yourself other than appearance??
I play drums and that for me is a massive piece of my identity. Perhaps try learning an instrument or something arty?? This helps me as I’m also not allowed to do lots of things I would like to.
Keep listening to music it will be your anchor through it all.
I really hope things get better and I know it hurts right now but even the longest tunnels have to end.
Hold fast friend,
Love Luna 
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