You ever have that feeling that you can never be free from the past? You know it’s gonna be okay. The future is bright, there’s so much opportunity ahead. But the past just never seems to shake free. I guess tonight just feels a little extra sticky. The past just seems to follow me like a shadow and I wish I could just cut it off. I know it happened. I know it’s over with. And I know it happened for a reason. It’s given me a story. It’s given me a reason to be here today. But sometimes the shame just feels like too much to bear… And I’m trying to live the life I’m supposed to live but I feel like I’m not clean. I’m not able to because of my past. I shouldn’t be able to because of it. Does anyone else feel this way? I know I’m never alone… The shadow of my past just wants me to feel that way. It all just comes crashing back on me like it always has now and then. I’ve felt like I’ve been happier than I’ve ever been for a couple months now… I don’t want to lose that feeling and I don’t want to fall back to where I was. Thank you for listening. I love you all more than you know.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I can certainly empathize with how things that have happened in past seem to spontaneously revive themselves in the present. With my anxiety I find myself pulled back into dark or uncomfortable moments, overthinking them and re-experiencing them. It doesn’t always work, but I have tried some meditative techniques for this that could be helpful. I imagine a small stream in my mind that I put my thought into and watch it drift away with the current. And with my depression, I’ll be feeling ok and then a wave just comes crashing in. This is hard. It’s overwhelming. But, knowing that there will this turbulent ocean with calm eventually and hopefully there will be longer and longer durations of time with calm waters. My doctor used this example and it’s helped me find some patience and hope in these rough waters.
Hold fast.
Eran. Even though you are having a difficult time, I am so glad that you recognize the truth of your situation. That these feelings aren’t what’s real. You recognize the good that came from the bad. That is such a strength in the midst of these feelings you are having. I’m proud of you for recognizing how far you’ve come, even though things are hard.
Good to see you again, Eran! I do feel this way too. I do want to forget past mistakes I had done, and it comes back. It is not easy to get over them. I’m not sure of how you are handling it, but thank you for sharing. Always remember you are welcome in this community. We might not understand everything you say, but we are here for you. We believe in you, my friend. Thank you for reading this. Have a great night.
Albeit the past haunting you, it sounds like you’re off to a really great start by knowing that it WILL be okay and that there is SO much opportunity ahead. So I want to commend you for that!
Nostalgia/focusing on the past can be a tricky balancing act. For example, you don’t want to saturate yourself too much into the past (because then you’ll typically experience feelings of sorrow), but you also want to respect the past as well. I’m not exactly sure what happened in your past, but it sounds like something powerful enough to cripple your high expectations for the future. Please understand that, although the past might have an influence on who you are today, that your past doesn’t necessarily define you. The past has happened and you can’t do anything to change it, however the rest of your story has yet to be written and you have the power to change the rest of the story. We believe in you!
