Tonight I just hand dinner with a handful of my cousins, and one of which came into our lives recently so I was excited to finally meet her. However, instead of being able to enjoy myself and really engage and get to know this individual, I spent the latter half of the evening fighting extreme social anxiety due to how self-conscious I was about my appearance, and all I can really recall about this evening was how much I just wanted to leave.
I’ve written here in the past about a genetic condition that I have; it has taken its toll on me physically and has left me with a deformed appearance. On days when I can manage it, it has no effect on me mentally and I’m just as confident as any “normal” person. Today was not one of those days, and when my cousin sent me a text asking why I hadn’t responded I lied to her basically saying I was busy and forgot to say I would be coming; in reality, I was trying to gauge if I could mentally handle going out for the evening.
I suppose the reason I’m writing this is because I’m disappointed in myself for not being able to suck it up and not worry about other people’s judgments, especially those of family because I know they couldn’t care less. Here I am, a 28 year old man hating myself for not being comfortable in my own skin. I just hate leaving a get-together with those dearest to me feeling even more alone than before I arrived. I feel bad that I left the cousin I just met with such a poor first impression of myself; I might as well have held up a sign saying “Hi I’m Adam and crippling social anxiety and self-hatred are a staple of my existence!”
Don’t even really know why I’m writing, this is really stupid and I know it could be much worse. But thanks for reading if you did.
1 Like
I too experience the same thing when I go to family engagements but for very different reasons. Please be gentle with yourself because anxiety is a tricky beast to manage. I dont know if this will apply to you or not but sometimes before I go to social functions I try to anticipate issues I might have and jot down a few of my skills that might help if it comes up and put it in my purse. That way even if I’m not thinking clearly I have a list of skills I can try to maybe calm down.
1 Like
Your struggles aren’t stupid. The point of this place is to come here with all sorts of mental health, have a place to vent, get help or at the minimum encouragement from the community. Every struggle is worth to post. I know so many with social anxiety. And it is so hard on them. It is just as crippling as anything. Don’t tear yourself down because of it. You did your best. And that is what matters.
1 Like
You were brave for going into a very uncomfortable situation and made the most of it.
(I been there awhile ago when I tried going to college. A great accomplishment for one who has a problem with both strangers and large crowds. (I didn’t graduate)
Don’t think of it as you failed. You succeeded.
1 Like
I totally understand what you’re going through, buddy. Social anxiety can be really crippling, i’m right there with you. But what has helped me through my personal struggles with my appearance is to realize that everyone is insecure, literally everyone. I don’t mean to minimize you’re pain, because it’s very real. I just mean this to say that whoever has a problem with the way you look, or alienates you because of it, is likely struggling with their own issues themselves and that it why they are rejecting you. You have inherent value and worth, man, and I want you to know that you have value, you are worthy of love and respect, and those who think you don’t are just as insecure, if not more so.
There’s light at the end of this tunnel, buddy. Hold fast!
1 Like