My Girlfriend Is Getting Too Comfortable With Our Drug Dealer

HeartSupport Support
1

What do you do when the love of your life airs out our dirty laundry to the wrong person?

In this case, it happens to be our drug dealer. Someone we rely on to continue out with our jobs and day to day activities.

She told him about one of our fights… Since then they’ve been all buddy buddy” together and he started treating me like dirt…but doesn’t say anything to me. Neglecting to bring it up to me, he continues to be short with me. It was obvious that he had taken an interest in my girlfriend.

Finally he snaps. Calls me out for the way I reacted in an argument with MY girlfriend…MY OWN GIRLFRIEND.

He says, “ if she hears about this conversation between us, I will slit. Your. Throat. I fucking promise you. From ear to ear motherfucker.”

I apologize for the use of language, but that sentence up there has been replaying in my head over and over for a week now and I am completely out of answers. I need your help.

Should I tell her that he’s threatened to slit my throat if he if finds out I told her?

OR

Should I attempt to keep it from her so that we don’t risk losing our supply, getting hurt or even worse getting killed.

And yes this guy is 100% serious. I wouldn’t be doing this if I wasn’t in complete fear of my life.

YES?

NO?

WHY?

P.s. if you need more info about what led up to all of this, the post I made before this one goes more into detail if that helps you.

Thanks.

1 Like
2

I think that loosing you supply over your life is the clear choice. If you really love her you should say what you feel. If she loves you she will understand. Communication is the key. I hope every thing works out bro. Choose your life or a supply of drugs. You only get one life.

1 Like
3

I think you’re focusing on the wrong issue here. The real problem is not that your drug dealer threatened you. It’s not even that your girlfriend told the drug dealer what happened during your fight…

The real issue is how you treated your girlfriend.

If you had treated your girlfriend with love, she wouldn’t have any dirty laundry to air out…and if the dirty laundry wasn’t there, your dealer wouldn’t have any problem with you…

Telling your girlfriend that your dealer threatened you is just a way for you to try to get between her and him and win her back by slandering someone else…

The truth is, man, your girlfriend is getting too comfortable with being mistreated by YOU!

–> let me be quick to say…I don’t feel any judgment towards you. I say things I regret too. You are human, man. So am I. We all mess up. I don’t care that you mess up, and I have compassion for you because I mess up too…what I DO care about is you focusing your energy on improving your life and not avoiding your problems…by focusing SO MUCH on whether or not to rat out your drug dealer, you’re totally focusing on the wrong thing here, bro…there’s a greater lesson, a greater opportunity for you here…you can receive that as a wake up call – you’ve got some issues you need to deal with! You’ve got some anger you need to dig into and figure out why you’re so explosive, why you can’t control your words, where this is all coming from…you’ve got some healing to do!! And if you continue to take the easy way out by focusing on other people’s problems, you’re never going to get better, and one day your girlfriend will leave you or your dealer will slit your throat – either literally or metaphorically.

Your heart matters, dude. Your heart MATTERS. And you’ve been ignoring it for so long!! But you don’t have to. Your heart deserves your compassion, your attention, your effort…YOU deserve your effort. The pain you’ve experienced in your past matters, and it was real, and it had a real impact on you, and you need to finally face it and address it and work through it and find healing…because when you do, you’re going to become the type of man that you hoped you’d grow up to be – and the type of man that your girlfriend will admire – and the type of man that others will respect. You are not beyond hope, man.

So to answer your question – should you tell her that your dealer threatened to slit your throat?

You should become the type of man that doesn’t get threatened to have his throat slit by his dealer.
You should become the type of man that doesn’t abuse your girlfriend.
You are not crazy for struggling or for fighting, but you are also not free from guilt from the things you did.
And you are not free from the responsibility of the consequences…or from the responsibility of improving your life.

I’d recommend you exploring counseling and digging into WHY you get so angry. Discover the real wounds and lies that you’ve endured and believe…the real pain that gets triggered even today…and start to heal from those things. You can become the type of man that doesn’t lash out at your girlfriend. You can become the type of man that has no reason to have his life threatened.

And that is the call on our life…the path I challenge you to take.

3 Likes
4

Thanks for your support Aaron and you’re right. I do love her and even if I come across obstacles in life as difficult as this or worse, I should be able to confide in her no matter what.

`

1 Like
5

Thanks for cutting the shit and getting right to it. I obviously have some issues with myself that need to be addressed and that need to be understood so that I can work on improving myself. As of right now, I couldn’t tell you the root of this or when it began but I have been doing some research online to find help througjnsome support groups here locally that focus on self awareness, finding yourself and getting your issues out there, dealing with them in a healthy way rather than what I’ve been doing like bottling them until I burn the bread in my toaster and I unleash the demons. I hate it, and even when I’m doing it I know it’s not okay. I plan to join one these groups or possibly use the benefits through my work as they too offer this kind of help. My concern is this: The process of bettering yourself is different for everyone, actually identifying the issues at hand, understanding them and implementing them into my everyday life. My question is do we take a break from each other while this is happening? Do you think that having her there while I’m seeking help and bettering myself with affect us in a bad way? I know that ultimately it’s the right thing to do to seek help for myself but, while this process might be weeks let’s just say, should I take a step back in this relationship?

1 Like
6

Hey @d_vlz, I’m so stoked to see your reply (PS sorry for my delay).

Did you end up finding a group?
Did you make a decision on the relationship?

I think you’re asking the right questions, man. Here’s a few of my thoughts:

If you’re hurting her emotionally or physically, I think you should end the relationship and work on yourself. Both for you and for her…

  • For you because if you have an avenue to unleash your rage on someone, it’s healthier for you to not have that avenue so you can heal instead of worsening the habit.
  • For her because she needs to be safe emotionally and physically.

That’d be my recommendation…You certainly don’t have to be perfect before entering a relationship…with God or with others. No one’s perfect. We’re going to disappoint others with our shortcomings (and more often than we’d wish). Love is persisting through those imperfections together.

In your situation, it sounds like the relationship and the context you’re facing with the drug dealer is causing more harm than good for all parties, so I think it’d be best to step out of that relationship, and continue on that path to bettering yourself.

If you’re still torn which way to go (stay in the relationship or not, which group to go into), praying and asking God for help making those decisions is an awesome way to get the best help for you and your life. If you don’t believe in God, that’s cool. It’s just how I make my best decisions. (And to be clear, God’s got the best love of all and overlooks all of your imperfections. So you don’t have to clean up before asking him for help either. It says it in the Bible: “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” If He’d give up his life before you ever thought about loving Him, He’s certainly going to listen to you and guide you in these decisions in your life, if you’d like the help!)

Thanks for replying. Keep me posted. Rooting for you man. Proud of your humble decision to pursue health. I’m headed in that direction for my life too. Happy to be in it together.

-Nate