Sorry for the length just need to get stuff off my chest. So many times I feel like my mind never shuts off. It’s so hard for me to find peace and rest. Lately, I found myself trying to meet myself with where I’m at without judgement or hate. To stay curious to what’s going on inside of me, to acknowledge it but not dwell on it. So many times I feel like so many things go on at once, that I don’t know how to deal with it and end up shutting down or just running from things or turning to destructive things. I’m in a place where my heart feels heavy, where I feel alone yet want to reach out but I don’t because I’m scared my expectations will be too high, that I will be disappointed when the person can’t meet me where I’m at. So much of me longs to be seen and heard, yet the larger part of me is terrified of this so I shove everything down which isn’t healthy. I hate that I have this desire to have people to truly walk with me yet I struggle so much with feeling like I’m a burden, too much or that I will get hurt like all the other times. My counselor wants me to let my husband into these places but I don’t know how. I don’t trust that he won’t be distracted with work or try to fix me. That I won’t lash out on him because it seems like the only way I can communicate with him. It’s seems easier because than it’s just me being irrational and moody so I can blame myself some how. It’s hard to be vulnerable with him when I don’t even know what my needs are. When I have no clue what I want all I know is things feel heavy and I don’t know how to deal with it. I feel restless and discontent. I feel lonely and hurt. Yet at the same time I’m trying to be okay with this and know I can just sit with these feelings. I dont have to push them away, u don’t have to judge them, shame them. It’s uncomfortable and hard but the only way I can seek recovery is if I face the hard things even if I don’t know what that means or looks like. It’s okay to not be okay. Keep telling myself that this will pass and I will get through this
Hey friend, I want to let you know that you do not walk alone and you never will. You can get through even the darkest of storms even if it feels like you are alone because you are never alone. It sounds like you should maybe bring your husband to your counselor to help explain what you can’t to help him be more understanding of what you are going through. To have someone by your side can be the exact push and hand up that you need. Please don’t lose faith and don’t forget, don’t look down to long your not going that way. You will find a way up on your own but its easier with a helping hand. Don’t be afraid or nervous to open up to him, he’s your partner I’m sure he wants to help you as much as he can. He might just not know how.
Hold fast my friend. You’ll get to the top
Hey man
YOU ARE NOT A BURDEN. You are a beautiful creation of Gods. Do not worry about the opinion of other people. What is their opinion gonna change? You are special and don’t you ever forget that
Don’t suppress your feelings. I have seen a lot of people do that and then one day they come back and are worse than before. It’s unhealthy it’s bad and it just sucks
I don’t know if you are a Christian or not but if you are, trust in him. Surrender it to him. Don’t try and take control of the situation and just put it in God’s hands. He will creat beauty from the ashes. I pray that things get better for you and that you find rest in God