So I was doing ok and now I’m sobbing and my chest feels warm but not like the good warm feeling when someone you like says they love you the bad warm feeling when you’re crying on your bed thinking about how lonely you are.
Right now I just feel really really lonely. Like I’m completely alone. Which isn’t true- but it’s how I feel. Like the people I reach out to don’t answer, or I’m probably going to be replaced by my friends boyfriend because why would they need me anymore right?
I feel like I’m ok- and then I start giving out to people again and then I hit the point where it’s 9:00 at night and I’m sitting here alone while everyone else is with their family or friends.
I told my friend I liked them and I feel like I messed it all up because they already have a significant other which is life- it happens, it’s fine, they are adorable together. I just feel like I made things weird and I wish I never would have said anything honestly.
Now I’m just feeling like I’m never going to find anyone and I didnt care before but now I’m looking at dating apps and it’s so stupid of me. I just get so mad at myself.
My heart just really hurts a lot.
My best friend has her boyfriend, and everyone else has someone that they always have- someone that’s always there for them. I don’t have that. Not even my sister is home right now I don’t even know when she’ll be home.
In summary- I’m alone. I feel lonely. My heart hurts.
And all this adds up and it makes me hate myself.
Hold fast.