Hey guys,
This is my first post here so hello to all. I hope we can get along and find ways to help each other and just support one another.
My issue is that since I graduated college in August I haven’t been able to find a job, in my field or just plain retail. Even before graduation everything just kind of started feeling more… bland? I don’t find myself feeling rewarding/ satisfied when doing chores or self-care. Which I use to feel a lot because I struggle with finding motivation at times. But now everything just seems so pointless and unnecessary. I can’t find things that are worthwhile doing, chores are piling up because I’m increasingly out them off or just get to them one at a time. I find excuses to not leave the house. The only time I do is when I go out with my significant other. Which is the only thing that makes me feel good and alive at the moment. They know this but they’re still in school and work a part-time job so I don’t pressure them into hanging out. I don’t really have any friends in my area either. After graduation, everyone left the state. And I don’t like making my significant other like everything relies on them hanging out with me and making me feel good. Because it doesn’t. It’s on me. I just don’t know what to do.
It just feels like I’m living in this gray bland world that’s made of sticky goo and I can’t move or do anything. Like I’m stuck there forever.
But yeah, that’s how I’ve been feeling. I hope you guys are doing better.
Love,
The biggest of the mistakes BigMsSteak
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Oh man, I can relate to everything you just said.
I have been seeing a counselor lately it’s gotten so bad. I have increasingly relied on alcohol to deal with things, drinking more and more to medicate the feelings: and the more I do, the worse it gets. I’ve developed anxiety around having to do basic chores (paying bills, cleaning, house repairs, etc) that I avoid it all together and have gotten so lazy. I also avoid relationships with friends and family.
One thing in counseling has stuck with me though, and I have no idea if you can relate to this or not but it’s been important to me in understanding my need to cope (or medicate) these feelings of hopelessness and anxiety with alcohol: you can’t pick and choose which emotions you do or don’t feel. What I mean by this is that I drink alcohol to numb the bad emotions but the end result is I numb ALL emotions.
I’ve gone a few days without alcohol now and have forced myself to just sit with my emotions. To feel them instead of numbing them. To meditate and pray about them. It has sucked. But the crazy thing is that with the hardship/discomfort of feeling all the bad emotions flooding in, I’ve also had moments of really good emotions that I haven’t felt in a long time (excitement, almost joy even).
I guess all of this to just say that I want to encourage you.
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Steak
You can’t find a reason to get out of bed you feel like like is just blurry and passing one day at a time nothing significant happens been there
My suggestion is start small with a little exercise called 10 seconds when you’re in bed and you can’t get up count to 10 and after 10 get up works 95% of the time once you feel comfortable and slighy more happy and with a little more motivation then before try getting out a bit expirament go to a bar a record store anywhere and as for the chores baby steps my friend we all start somewhere Bruce lee didn’t become a master fighter overnight he had to get his ass kicked first
But he got back up
Keep fight you’re not alone
-C