I am so fucking sick of this current situation. It is a constant circle of relapse back into self harm, improve, relapse again, and nothing is working. Nothing. I have tried fidget toys, hairband on my wrist, cold showers, ice cubes, everything that anyone has suggested to me. Even the butterfly project didn’t help me to stop scratching. The only thing that vaguely worked was my girlfriend’s dogs licking my fingers to stop me from scratching but I don’t live with her and I’m at college 6 days a week, so I only see her and her dog in person for maybe 2 hours a week. And I can’t have my own dog because my brothers can’t cope, and neither can my cat. He’s not really much help, he’s just cute.
I know it hurts my friends, especially Eva. I love her to pieces but when I’m in extreme distress (note: I also have Aspergers Syndrome), the scratching calms me down. She used to hug me so I wasn’t able to use my hands to hurt myself or reach for anything but I had a really bad episode where I didn’t recognise who she was and attacked her (hit her, stamped on her foot to make her let go). She wasn’t badly hurt, and she quickly realised that if I knew it was her, I wouldn’t have attacked her, but it still made me upset. She forgave me but I don’t want to hurt her again. It’s either scratching until my arms bleed or face the possibility of having a really bad episode again.
Everything is just too much but I can’t drop out of college - if I drop out, I won’t be able to get a job. If I keep going at my current rate, I’ll be kept at home and my attendance will sink, and they’ll boot me off my courses, again with no job chances. None of the people with the powers care about making it easier or more manageable, but it is beginning to destroy me and its starting to hurt people around me. This cannot go on and I am running out of less permanent solutions to think about.
I scratch my face when my anxiety is really bad but I take rhodiola rosea to help with my anxiety. Have you looked into getting on adderall? It helps some people with their anxiety and focus. And I know you feel like college is the only way to get a job (I was taught the same thing growing up) but you don’t need a degree to get a good job. Depending on the field you want to go into, there are lots of certifications and other methods to get into lots of fields. I dropped out of school twice, first time I had no choice and second time for my own mental wellbeing, and i work for a small technical writing firm making good money. Sure it’s not as much ad i would make with a degree but that doesn’t mean it’s a bad job. I make more than a lot of people with degrees and when you count in student loans, i make more because i have more money leftover since I don’t have student loans. You can’t keep hurting yourself with this anxiety downward spiral thinking. Learn techniques for how to break the downward spiral, learn how to manage your stress and anxiety so it doesn’t continue to cause you these problems.
You got this!! 
Hey ray,
Do you notice any types of patterns or situations or emotions or stress or places or anything like that that typically precedes your desire to scratch?
And what is it that scratching does for you? Like what benefit does it provide? What problem does it solve?