I guess I’m just kind of stressed, I almost lost one of my friends the other day. I know I have no reason to feel this way but I feel like if they die it will be my fault no matter what the circumstances are. I was about to fall asleep when I got a message from one of my friends saying “Hey. I just want you to know how much you mean to me as a friend. You’re an amazing friend. You’re an amazing person. You’ve helped more than I could have ever asked for. You’re an amazing and beautiful person and I hope you achieve anything you want in life. It was an honor and I’m thankful to have you apart of my life. I don’t want you to be scared or upset. Just know that I will be happy. I hope you can continue to be happy with out me being a part of your life. Thank you for everything you have done.”
I freaked out, I couldn’t lose another friend, I messaged him endlessly begging for him to just be alive. I messaged him crying for over three hours with no response. I was exhausted but I needed him to be alive more than I needed sleep. Now I know he’s okay and he didn’t end up actually doing anything. But now I’m really paranoid that next time I won’t know he’s doing anything.
I guess I just fell powerless because I know that if anyone I care for dies I will blame myself no matter the circumstances, because that’s what I did when one of my grandmas died from cancer. Which is nothing can control.
Sorry, if I wasted anyone’s time I just kind of needed to get things off my chest and out of my head.
Hey friend,
Thank you for posting. All struggle or hurt or pain is worth the discussion. Don’t diminish your feelings just because you think someone else’s problems are more important, because they are not.
I first want to mention something…
I know this feeling. I understand and you are certainly not alone, but I can promise you this is NEVER true. You’re lying to yourself. Of course, do everything you can, but if something happens it’s out of your control. It’s scary and it sucks but it just is. The things he said to you in that text message are also proof of that. AND just the amount that you clearly care about him shows that you are a great friend to him. Please don’t worry about being at fault if something were to happen to him. Just try to keep being the good friend that you are.
This is scary stuff. I remember waking up to a message like this from my best friend, and I felt like I could not breathe until I knew he was okay. The thing is, when people are suicidal they tend to tell someone else before they do anything. Not always, obviously, but there are usually signs, some more clear than others like that message he sent. I know it’s hard but try to move past the being paranoid, and try to move toward just being there for him like it seems like you always have been.
I am sorry that you blame yourself for these things, but your grandmother’s death is not your fault and your friend’s hypothetical death would not be either. Please, please try to move past this way of thinking. If it helps and if it’s feasible, maybe try finding a therapist who can help you work through those feelings. I didn’t find therapy helpful myself until I found someone who worked well with me, and then it was more helpful than I could have imagined. So maybe that’s an option, too.
You did not waste my time. You are not wasting anyone’s time. We appreciate you and we want you to feel comfortable sharing here. You are not a burden, and you are not alone. Please do not hesitate to reach out again, and I hope working through these feelings goes well. Hold fast.
Hey, you’re not wasting anyone’s time. This platform is meant just for this. I’m proud of you for reaching out, and glad you did.
I’ve gone through a similar situation with a close friend of mine. I remember sitting in the stick room at my old job just sobbing and trying to get my friend to understand. It’s been many times that I’ve begged for them to stay.
It’s a really hard thing to go through. But you need to know that whatever happens- it is NOT your fault.
No matter what. It is NOT your fault. And we’ll be here to remind you of that every day.
There is a feeling of guilt that I had. I felt guilty for being happy when my friend was on the edge of following through with suicide.
There’s no need to feel guilt. Whatever happens it’s NOT your fault.
I’m glad to say my friend is still alive today. Still fighting. I hope your friend does the same.
Don’t be scared to reach out to someone who can help your friend. Their parents, family, a school counselor. It’s what we have to do sometimes. No matter how hard it is.
I frantically messaged my friends family, as many as I could find on Facebook. And she was upset with me for some time; but one day she said she was glad I reached out to them.
So times may be rough. They may get upset, they may say a lot they don’t mean. But I highly encourage you to talk to someone who can help.
Family, school counselors, teachers. Anyone that is safe.
I believe in you.
We are all here for you no matter what.
Love,
Lys
Such a burden to put on yourself. I’ve been through this with a close friend of mine I grew up with. In the end, they continued down a road that eventually took them… You can’t blame yourself for what the person does. I never did but was hard to deal with it regardless.
Luca,
It is NEVER your fault. We love you, and hear you struggle. We made a live post while on the stream tonight to share my experience and show you some encouragement. Hang in there friend, we love you.
Matt
Twoguys1couch
Hey Luca, you are clearly going through a lot but you are so incredibly strong to keep on going. Sometimes venting and just getting these things off your chest is refreshing and also challenging. It is never your fault. You are loved and wanted here. Tomorrow the sun will rise and it is a different world from today, and it continues in the pattern.
We’re here for you,
hold fast.
Hey, I just wanted to say thank you, thank you for your service and I’m sorry about your friends.
Honey,
I’ve been there. The greatest thing you can do is just tell your friend how much you love them. How much your care. There will be times that you won’t be available as you are a person with a life of your own, you know? It’s not your fault if you are busy or away from your phone or computer in the moment that they send a message. It’s also not your fault if something happens. You have no control over that. Trust me, I’ve been there and it’s so hard. The most important thing is that you just tell them you love them. That’s all you can do.
It can be scary to know what to do in that moment. Do you call a parent? Do you call 911? If you ever think that something bad may happen then yes, call someone and show them the text. If you are worried something will happen it’s okay to call for help. And let the professionals take over. They will go check on your friend and get them the help they need.
But don’t guilt, sweetheart. You’re not a bad friend. You care. You were worried. That’s a sign of a good friend.
I hope your friend is doing better. Sending you and your friend so much love.