I had my first session with a therapist last week. I realized it’s been almost exactly 2 years since I’ve had to stop therapy ( I went to my college counseling center where they had a 10 session limit due to high demand and not enough therapists). The first session was pretty interesting for being an introduction session. The past 6 months have been so crazy that I felt like I kept saying, but wait there’s more, when my therapist would ask about something. However, it made me realize a lot a stuff has happened in a very short amount of time that I was pretty much stuck in survival mode for a bit. My therapist started talking about addressing the childhood trauma side (because I brought up my former abuser coming back and the whole fiasco of how my church and parents responded). I have been dealing so much with that incident that I still hadn’t dealt with the abuse I received 15 years ago. And that’s a chilling, overwhelming thing to think about lately.
We also talked about the logistics of getting ADHD and Autism diagnosis. She wants to make sure my issues aren’t trauma related, but she’s pretty sure there’s something since I had a speech delay and other developmental issues as a kid. That’s something I want to figure out now as it affects my work life. I am struggling to focus at work. And since I’ve had this problem since I was a kid, it’s time to get answers. I am so relieved she is willing to listen. I know it’s a little harder to get a diagnosis as a woman, so I’m relieved I found a therapist who is able to help me figure it out.
As for this week, I have noticed it’s been hard emotionally. I kinda realized I had a lot happen in my life that just is not ok. I have a feeling I’m gonna be in therapy for a long time. There’s just so much to work through. I know I have the time, but it still is overwhelming. And I also know working through the sexual abuse is gonna be extremely hard. I also remember feeling this way when I first went to therapy over 2 years ago. So I’m trying to be easy on myself. I’m just glad I can finally get the help I’ve wanted and needed for the past 2 years.
In a way, without therapy, it’s like being lost in the woods, and no visible path out. The woods are full of images/memories of abuse, trauma and issues related to the ADHD and Autism.
In therapy, you will confront all of those memories and challenges, but the difference is, you will be on a path that leads out of the woods. You might not be able to forget what the woods contained, but you will be in the pathway toward light, and realize that you are no longer trapped by those things in the woods. Painful realizations will become instruments of wisdom and strength.
You are a survivor. I admire that. Your progress is very good news.
From: Rohini_868
Hi Beth,
It’s awesome that you’re in therapy, and finally being able to address some of these important issues. Therapy can bring up some hard moments, and I hope that you know it will get through it, even if it is hard at first to face some deep emotions you may have suppressed. We’re here for you, as part of your support system, and I’ll encourage you to have others who can also support you and be there for you.
there is also great relief in a label or diagnosis, and I hope these will enable you to access other communities that can support you and provide comfort and assistance. Excited for you, and hope that the future keeps improving!
From: Micro
Dear Beth, it is truly amazing to hear about this deep and life-changing transition that you’ve been going through lately. I’m absolutely admirative of your strength, perseverance and resilience through all of it. Can you remember these posts you were sending and updates you were sharing a couple of months ago? You are absolutely wonderful. In regards of your moving, your job, and now therapy… You are building some very solid foundations for yourself there, both regarding your future and your mental health.
As for the therapy, it can be extremely exhausting at first. I remember my first months getting back to it… it was also a lot about past traumas. I was completely drained and couldn’t do anything for the rest of the day. Generally, I needed a big nap. Knowing in advance when your meetings take place, you can also anticipate it and make it a self-care day (is that is possible of course). Prepare some things to reward yourself, chill and relax at home. Anything that helps you to rest and recharge. When therapy is focused on traumas, it reactivates not only difficult memories, but also the vulnerability and physical memory of the events. It challenges your body as much as your mind. So, take it easy. Be gentle with yourself. Celebrate each step along the way and make sure to rest when that is needed.
You are absolutely wonderful and definitely on a right path. Keep us updated, if that is okay for you. I love you my friend. And so freaking proud of you. <3
From: SuchBlue
Hi beth_the_fake_ginger,
I’m really happy that you’ve been able to get in touch with a therapist who is able to help you. I recommend you to keep focusing on what you’re feeling and dealing with that right now, and not worrying about how long you’re going to be in therapy. I know that it can be really hard, but for now, forget about the past and the future, and let’s deal with the present. You’re on the right track and if you keep going like this I assure you that you’re going to feel a lot better. Try to find what relaxes you most and try not to overwhelm yourself with thoughts. We love you and wish to hear from you soon 
From: Lisalovesfeathers
Hi Beth, I am so pleased that you have managed to get this therapy and start working on all of the past issues that you have had. I remember you from the very first time I came to heartsupport and you have been though so much and I have admired you and how you have dealt with everything. Now I can see things turning around for you and life seems to be improving and hopefully you will get you diagnosis what ever it will be and having that will be another big part of moving forward which is awesome. Once again I am so proud of you Beth. you are strong, valuable and just plain wonderful. Much Love Lisa. x
From: eloquentpetrichor
Hey, Friend! I’m so proud of you for starting therapy. That is such a huge step and it’s wonderful that you are taking it. Being able to finally be completely open with someone about things is kind of a freeing feeling, isn’t it? I totally understand that whole “wait there’s more” feeling. It’s like all these things just come to the surface and it’s awesome you are being so open with your therapist so quickly.
When I started therapy my therapist said that, especially in the first couple weeks, it can feel like you are getting worse and your mind will start thinking about so many other things that you didn’t even think were bothering you. So I think that feeling of things being hard emotionally is completely normal. If you worry about remembering all those things you want to tell your therapist then I suggest starting a journal of what you want to say and talk about.
I’m really glad that you are not discouraged by the idea of being in therapy for a long time and that you are so eager to do this. I hope this is the start of a great new chapter for you, especially now that you are out of your parents’ house and on your own. How is that going btw? Are you enjoying the freedom?
Good luck with the therapy and this new chapter. I hope to hear from you again soon here and in Twitch chat
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