28 years clean and i remember this pain like it wa

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28 years clean and I remember THIS pain like it was yesterday! The last 3 years have been my hardest in sobriety. When I lost my dad, I lost such a huge part of me, and I have often wanted to numb my way through it, but I still KNOW how my story will end if I do.:cry::cry::cry:

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Hi there :blush::wave:

You’re amazing for trying to leaving it and fleeing from it losing a love one is a hard thing to go through. But i got to say you’re not alone in this struggle or the temptation of this struggle you can keep fighting through it. Almost like you are fighting your biggest opponent ever in a boxing match you got to win the fight. Even though you’re love one is not around he still loved you and want the best in your life. Don’t let the temporary numbness and pain of the drinking you have to move forward :100:. You’re again not in the struggle alone and can keep moving through this.

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From 4-19-2017 until now I have lost 58 people; family, friends, neighbors, roommate, etc. With so many dying I don’t know one even grieves so many losses. All we can do is take each day as it comes and deal with the harsh days a little at a time. I had a lot of trauma, grief and loss in the past few years due to my town fire and covid-19 on top of so much grief and loss from deaths. Life can be hard as hell, but I keep pushing forward through it all despite the storms of life. :latin_cross:

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Hey friend, I’m so sorry to hear how much pain you’ve been going through over the pas few years. Losing your dad, after so many years of sobriety must have been a huge blow. Feeling like you need to numb the pain is understandable, but your strength in resisting that urge is inspiring. I’m sure your dad was beyond proud of you until the end. The fact that you’ve remained clean for 28 years even in times of darkness shows how committed you are, it’s ok to feel pain, to cry to grieve, these emotions are normal and part of healing. You aren’t alone, it’s ok to reach out for help when you need to. If you ever need to talk about anything, don’t hesitate to send another message friend.