A few days ago marked 3 months of my rape. 3 months of me trying to heal, 3 months of me having to uproot everything in my life that I knew, and start over. 3 months of being paranoid I’ll see the guy who did this to me again. 3 months of life just not giving up. I recovered a bit since this happened to me. I spent 8 days in a psychiatric hospital because I didn’t want to live anymore because of it. Things are still hard. I am still struggling. I miss my old job, that I had to leave because I worked with him. I continued working there for a month after the assault, seeing him everyday… I finally have a new job, but My thoughts are still dark sometimes, and there are days when I want to give up. I can’t scare my family like that again. I can’t come so close to taking my own life again. I don’t want to. I want to get over this, I want to heal from this, and I want to get back to a normal life. ‘he’ doesn’t deserve to take up space in my head, and yet I allow him to everyday. Things trigger me almost daily. Movies, things people say, tv shows, everything reminds me of what happened to me. Of what he took from me. I haven’t heard from the detective in a long time. I feel like he forgot about me, even though I know he didn’t. There’s nothing to my case and nowhere for it to go. No evidence, just my word against his. It’s depressing to think about. I can’t believe this happened to me. Why do I have to deal with this. I keep wishing something would happen to me so I wouldn’t have to deal with this anymore. I often don’t want to wake up. Why has this happened to me. Why doe’s he get off scott free. I don’t deserve to suffer like this.