Hey Friend 
I’m truly sorry to hear about the loss of your friend, it seems like you are carrying a heavy burden, and I hope my reply will take some much needed weight off your shoulders. Loosing a close friend can feel like a punch to the gut, I know this because I lost my best friend to suicide last year. It’s hard when you’re trying to understand what went wrong and reaching out to talk things through, only to be met with walls. That’s tough, and it’s okay to feel hurt and frustrated by it.
The sad and unfortunate reality is, some people make choices we will never be able to get our heads around. These choices can leave us feeling lost and questioning everything. But please know that it’s not a reflection of your worth or the love you poured into the relationship. You gave it your all, and that’s something to be proud of, even if it didn’t turn out the way you hoped. You couldn’t have predicted how things were going to turn out.
It’s natural to wonder what could have been done differently or if there was something you missed, but ultimately, we can’t control other people’s actions or decisions. What matters most is how you choose to move forward from here. It might take time to heal from this, and that’s okay. Allow yourself to feel all the emotions that come with it, but also remember to be kind to yourself in the process.
You loved deeply, and that’s a beautiful thing, even if it didn’t end the way you wanted. Hold onto the good memories you shared, and know that the pain will ease with time. Surround yourself with people who support and uplift you, and don’t be afraid to lean on them when you need to.
As Linkin Park sings, “When the world becomes a fantasy, and you’re more than you could ever be, ‘cause you’re dreaming with your eyes wide open.” Keep dreaming, keep believing in yourself, and know that brighter days are ahead. You’re stronger than you realize, and you will get through this.
Keep your chin up, and never underestimate the power of your own resilience.
With enormous love
EvilGenius 
