58 people in 3 days

What an odd title right? But just wait by the end of this post it will all make sense. I started streaming again on Friday, I was so excited! It was something I told myself that I wanted to start doing again, because I enjoyed it and it gave me a lot of happiness and enjoyment. I had been streaming for about a year, but I had stopped recently just because of IRL stuff that was going on, but this weekend I decided to get back into it! So let’s be honest about what the title is about. 58 people in 3 days. I have a total of 60 people banned from my twitch chat, which to me feels like a lot, but what’s worse then that is I banned 58 of those 60 peoples between Friday’s stream and Sunday’s.

58 troll accounts in one stream, it was probably honestly only about 20 people maybe 25, but they continued to make more accounts, and my mods and I continued to ban them. I’m going to honest it was terrible. The terrible names I was called, the things that were posted and said. I’ve been very open and honest about this in the past but my nudes were leaked in October of 2017, and here it is now, over a year later, and guess what, it’s still happening. They were leaked in my chat last night, people made twitch names like dm__me_for_monkeys_nudes, and I knew they had the link ready to go and ready to spread, and it killed me. I muted myself, put on a brb screen on my twitch and sat in my bed and cried for a solid thirty minutes.

I was so frustrated and annoyed. I was like why are people doing this, why are people trying to come and start issues. Most of them I have blocked everywhere, because well they were toxic in my life, and I wanted to move on, but they weren’t ready to let me move on. They’ve known for a year the power that their words have over me, and it’s tough if I’m being honest. I was ready in that moment to end my stream, delete my twitch, and either a) end my life or b) isolate and never talk to anyone again. But through some private messages in discord, and talking with a few other streamer friends, I pulled it together and kept on streaming and made it through.

So I guess I’m here feeling confused and lost. In some sense I’m blaming myself for their actions because well, story is I “instigated” their actions by sending the pictures I did, which let it be known I regretted it was a bad idea and now I know, and haven’t done it sense. But what do i do? Where do I go from here? I feel like it’s going to be hard to build anything on twitch, when I’m constantly having to ban people, and it brings down my viewers because it’s a toxic environment.

Even last night when we were talking about heart support, and the community, and I was walking people through what the community was about and some of my story, that was when the trolls came in. And it was disheartening. Because I was like talking to people in my chat, and trying to encourage them, and then I had to stop everything to deal with trolls. I just don’t know guys, I don’t want to give up on streaming because it’s fun, and it gives me joy (when i’m not being trolled), but I just don’t know if I can deal with that every stream.

Sorry for the weird rant, just needed to get it off my chest!

Love you guys, Hold Fast, You’re Worth It,

1 Like

It’s been tough days, but we’ll stick with you. Don’t give up on yourself. I won’t.

That really sucks and it’s hard to deal with, you are better than them and you can beat them. There are lots if ways to fight trolls and honestly they should have their IP addresses banned so they can’t make more troll accounts. There are ways around that but they probably aren’t smart enough to figure that out.

This doesn’t work for every situation but the trolls feed on your discomfort. You need to own those nudes. Everytime someone posts in the chat that they have your nudes you should call them out right then, or troll them back. Trolls feed off the attention and discomfort but if you use it in an empowering way then they feel like pestering you is a waste of time. Everytime someone posts about them just say that it’s a permanent reminder of how hot you are because all these bot accounts use your nudes to entice people to select links or whatever and they just don’t know how to leave you alone. If people had my nudes and threatened me with them I would just ask “do I look hot?” “Are they photoshopped or real because I know what I look like naked” or whatever. I hate bullies and I found that they are really easy to beat at their own game if you can find their weakness. You are going to be alright, don’t let them tear down your confidence

The down side with a troll (coming from someone who tries to troll harmlessly) is that they feed on that kind of stuff, some people just want to be toxic to make themselves feel better, or to bring someone down, which is just stupid. You’re a great streamer and I often like checking out your stream. If anything, please don’t let this discourage you from streaming. Don’t let these people who don’t hold weight in your life prevent you from doing something YOU enjoy. Keep your head up, love you friend.

PS: Lets play some CS:GO sometime soon plz.

i was thinking about this last night and wanted to let you inside of their minds for a second…

why would someone do something like this? to terrorize you for fun?

because those boys are afraid they aren’t enough, as people or as men…and they feel like flaunting your nudes means they somehow have something over you, proof that they are man enough, proof that you are lower than them because they have something private of yours…it’s a pseudo sense of power, control, and validation…and someone will terrorize you because in their normal lives they feel small, and hurting you makes them feel big.

truth is, these people are wounded boys, and what you have over them is that you don’t need to hurt others to be validated or healed…when they come after you, know they’re coming out of pain, and have compassion for them, because they’re doing nothing to make that better…but you are. you’re on the path, you’re headed for healing, and you won’t let anything stop you…while they’re trying to drag you down, they’re tying an anvil to their ankles…and while they’re trying to grab hold of you, you’re moving on and moving up. have compassion for them. because one day, you’ll be on top of your mountain, and they’ll still be chained in their valley. it’s okay that it’s rough right now, but you’re making more distance every day. and I’m proud of you. it will get better for you. stay the course.

1 Like