In August 2017, my fiancé died unexpectedly and I found him. I tried to end my own life a few days later. I ended up in the hospital in critical condition — I was in medical shock (low blood flow to all my organs) which caused my heart, liver, and kidneys to fail. I’ve also had surgery on my hand twice as a result.
I miss him every day. I’ve struggled with substance abuse since his death. I haven’t dated anyone seriously since he died either. Those early years after he died were so hard.
BUT! A year ago, I got help. I see an addictions doctor and counsellor. My substance abuse is finally being treated and I’ve been clean for 6+ months now (I don’t count — it causes stress if I do relapse).
I also see my fiancé in my dreams most nights. It’s like seeing him again in real life and I treasure those dreams so much.
While I still miss him a lot, my life has improved so much recently. I even got a promotion in my job recently! I regret the choice I made to try to end my life and I am SO grateful to still be here.
I’m also grateful to @Kitboga for bringing joy to my life with his streams. Thanks for keeping a smile on my face — even during the hard times.
Oh @LucyLucretia, we are also so very grateful that you are still here. It must have been a terrible shock and such a traumatic loss for you, and it’s so hard after losing someone you love so much to even consider that you have the right to keep on living. Well done really for seeking help as you did, for working on your addiction actively, for your promotion at work! For proving to yourself that you can live a life that is worth it and brings good to your heart, even if this life is now intertwined with grief. You have been re-learning to get back on your feet and that is tremendously beautiful. Thank you for showing up for yourself, for not giivng up on your future. We believe in you.
@LucyLucretia
Thank you for sharing your story. My heart goes out to you. I am also proud of you. It’s no easy feat to go through what you have and to then climb the mountain of grief and healing, but you have. Every little step counts.
I’m glad you are still here and kicking butt. And congratulations on your promotion!!!
<3
You made my night a little brighter by sharing, so thank you!