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9 years since my ex wife left and I still beat myself up over it. I kept choosing work over being home because of shame of never having enough money to support us. Now I overwork to block out thoughts.
Hi Friend, thank you so much for your comment, I can only imagine how difficult it must be to carry that weight of regret and sadness. It sounds like during your marriage all you were doing was coming from a place of genuine concern for your family’s well-being, but unfortunately, the fear and stress of financial insecurity took a toll on your relationship as I think it does for so many.
It is ok to allow yourself to have the feelings you are having and still be working through the loss of the relationship and along with that remember that you are not fully to blame for what happened, Life is complex, and there are often many small things at play in any situation. While your overworking may have contributed to the strain in your family, it’s not the sole reason for the outcome.
As you continue with your life try to be kinder to yourself, remember that what you were doing was never meant to cause upset, quite the opposite, you were trying to do what you thought was for the best. It is a life lesson, albeit a harsh one and I am sorry for that.
If you haven’t already, and you think it will help, have a chat with a therapist or counsellor about ways to manage your feelings so you can become more confident in yourself and remove that guilt. I wish you all the very best. Lisa. x
Hello,
Thank you for sharing this with us, and I am sorry you are having a difficult time.
I wanted to say that it is okay and that your feelings are valid. Sometimes, we meet people who are only supposed to be in a chapter of our lives; just because the chapter ends does not mean that the story doesn’t get better. Sometimes, relationships don’t work out because we are not on the same wavelength, and that is okay! There is a quote, “If you can love the wrong person that much, imagine how much you can love the right one.” Life is full of changes, and that is okay. You are a caring person with good intentions; I know things will get better, so do not give up!
Feel free to contact us anytime; we are always here to support you!
Hi friend,
Thank you for sharing and for your vulnerability. I’m sorry to hear about the end of your marriage and the heavy impact that it has had on your life as the years have gone by. I understand that it can be a lot to grapple with, especially if you have feelings of guilt about the end of the marriage.
The end of a marriage comes with a lot of different emotions, and there is no right or wrong feeling to experience. There also is not any time limit on how long it takes a person to heal from the end of a marriage. I’m sure you loved your ex-wife deeply and I imagine it must hurt in many different ways to have had to let her go. However, do remember that your own well-being does still matter. We cannot change the past and can only affect our present and our future. It sounds like you had a good heart and good intentions behind why you were working a lot during your marriage. So I hope that one day you will be able to forgive yourself for what happened and release yourself of the guilty feelings of blame that you have. That you can show yourself some grace for being human, for making mistakes, and that you can heal, learn, and grow from everything that happened.
It is always okay to feel our emotions, but remember that there also has to come a time where we try to pick ourselves up out of those emotions, face them, and find healthy ways to manage them. 