This is a rather long read, so buckle up. For once in about 5 years I can finally say I’m not struggling continuously, but I still have those days, weeks, months, however long it is that despair takes over my life. I never really figured it out until I actually sat down and thought about what it was that got me through some of the most difficult times. I know God helped me through but I never thought in my whole life it would be through metal music. Every time I listen to metal, for example a band like For Today, I would get yelled at to “turn that Satanic shit off.” By family, friends, significant others, etc., but it helped me realize that I wasn’t the only one. One of my favorite bands now, the Amity Affliction, an atheist band, I believe, was sent to me by God to help me see that. Now, they might not agree, or they might, I don’t know the guys personally, but when I first heard the lines “there is hope in my eyes. There is hope in these words, and there are far too many reasons for you to stay here on this Earth,” I had just attempted suicide and was trying to go through what I would do next time. I had what I thought was an empty gun pointed at my head, then pointed straight in front of me to the mirror and pulled the trigger and a bullet went off. After knowing I was no more than 2 millimeters away from ending my own life in what would’ve been an accident those lyrics rang out even clearer to me. Am I cured of these crippling thoughts? No. Not yet, and I may not ever be, but the difference between then and now is that I’ve found a way to help manage my mind and what I’m going through. So to whoever might read this, I know it’s a bit raw, but please don’t let anyone keep you from coping with life and it’s troubles. Now, this isn’t an endorsement to do whatever to deal like drugs, sex, drinking, or any other vice, but specifically to the people who like the same music and have the same people shouting at them everyday, don’t let them take that from you. If you have to listen to a whole album by August Burns Red, Palisades, or Like Moths to Flames, do it if it gets you through the day. Please keep fighting. I know it’s hard. I’m not done fighting yet, even though I want to quit sometimes, but trust me you can’t get better if you’re not here, and if you feel like you don’t have anybody that cares about you, that’s a lie. If you can’t think of anyone else, then know this random dude on the HeartSupport community wall cares. Reach out, rock out, or talk it out. Just don’t quit, not now. You’ve got way too much coming your way.
I am so happy for you, friend! So happy that you’re in a better mindset. God is ever faithful, and can make use of those previous (and current) trials to bring light to the world through you. In fact, He certainly planned it to work like that all along. His ways are higher than our ways.
I especially love the part about abstaining from vices. Those things are crippling and are so enticing when you are in a hard time. Alcohol, drugs, gambling, and even more secretive ones like porn, can be crutches, but they’re always temporary and always take more than they give, and over time, will leave you with nothing. Some faster than others, of course, but the premise is still the same.
I’m proud of you, friend. Go be a light in this beautiful world that so desperately needs it.
Austin
Thanks fam. I just enjoy the breakdowns and the heaviness that they bring along with a great message. Definitely top 5 for sure.
Thanks brother. I’m just trying to give some people hope because hope has been given to me by what some call “the worst music to ever be made.” Even though I might be struggling sometimes it doesn’t mean I can’t help others.
Thank You so much for sharing and I’m glad you found peace