Back to heartsupport

A Trip Down Memory Lane?


#1

So, first off, Merry Christmas, they say “it’s the most wonderful time of the year.” But, if your like me, you like to become the only person in America that hates the thought of receiving things from people and focuses on the happy feelings and family, but gets super annoyed at the fact that you have to spend the season amongst the people you hate and return the hate because they’re “family.” My cousin lost his father due to his stepmom manipulating him to believe that my cousin was a horrible kid. My grandfather is extremely homophobic/racist, and I have a beautiful Indian girlfriend. My aunts hate the fact that I dress in black and listen to the music I do. My uncles like to tease me about boys because I haven’t come out to them yet. My grandmother knows everything though, she’s my best friend in the entire world. She tries to keep them off my back, but she can’t always do that. This year, I don’t know what I’m gonna do. Things blew up with my mom, and she’s already expressed her hatred towards me. This year, I thought everything would be different. I thought we could actually act like a real family, but no, I have to be the one that messes everything up. Well, Merry Christmas everyone, and don’t let Krampus get you.


#2

Merry christmas!! I totally understand unlike most families in the south. Not being excited about Christmas is unheard of lol. I think I get bummed bc so many Americans including my family get lost in what Christmas has become. All about presents and food and not what it is really about.

Anyway, love ya
Charrabeans


#3

Hey friend,

First just want to say thank you for reaching out and posting on the support wall, I know that it takes a lot of courage and strength to open up here, and I’m so glad you’ve trusted us with your life, and feel safe enough to open up here, it’s not something we take for granted.

Secondly, I just want you to know that you are not alone in this, the holidays are rough for a lot of people, because unfortunately there’s a lot of families that are broken and hurting, and just can’t seem to mend those relationships, even if it’s just to get through a Christmas dinner. I feel you in that, I dread the holidays because I have to see family members that have been abusive in the past, so please just remember that you are not alone.

Now as far as them disliking you because of who you’re with (your Indian girlfriend), or what you wear, or the music you listen to that’s tough. Because it feels like the people who are supposed to love and support you the most are in fact the least supportive people and one’s that hurt you the most. I just want you to know that here you are loved no matter what, no matter what you wear who you love etc., we love you and welcome you with open arms because you are you, and you deserve it.

As hard as it may seem, I encourage you to go into Christmas day/dinner with an open mind. Try to forgive everyone for what’s been going on, or at least try your hardest to not let it control your mood or your day. Forgiveness is freaking hard. “It’s the hardest thing to give away, and the last thing on your mind today, it always goes to those who don’t deserve.” <— those are some lyrics from a song I used to like and it’s so true. Try to make the best out of the day despite everything you have going on. And remember please you’re loved here, and you’re welcome!

Hold Fast, You’re Worth It,
Monkey


#4

I’m going to give the exact opposite advice from others and say that if being around these people makes you unhappy, then bail on them at the earliest opportunity (when you no longer rely on them for financial or emotional support.) Your highest priority should be your own happiness and contentment.

Family of choice > Family of origin


#5

The problem here is you’re expecting your family to change on your expectations. You have no control on your family. If you can’t be cordial with your family maybe it be best to keep quiet while eating and when not lock you and your GF up in your room until everyone is gone.

The problem is if your family believe what you are is fundamentally wrong religious/whatever. It won’t change. You can’t change them. They can only change themselves.
The only person you can control or change is yourself.

So what I am trying to say wisdom or not is you need not trying to explain yourself to these people. You’ve been hiding yourself for a reason. You know why. These people maybe related to you, but they don’t know you. Your Grandma & GF does. Your mom I expect does & you see what she did. They all expect from you. People that love you don’t have expectations. They accept you for who you are.