What’s up HeartSupport! Since going through a divorce at the age of 24 I feel so much fear of being abandoned. I’m 27 now and anytime something goes wrong or something feels a little off in a relationship, I assume they’re done and get really anxious about the fact that I might lose them. I then spend a ton of time trying to figure out what I’m going to do and say. I guess I just feel so afraid of the idea of being alone again and losing someone close. I moved out of state recently for a job and live far away from family so I don’t really have a physical support system.
I’ve spent 2-3 years without a relationship just to take time to focus on myself. I’m in a much better place overall, but the fear of abandonment and losing someone is really hard to deal with currently and is affecting me mentally. Not sure what to do about it or healthy ways to deal with this! Thank you.
I’m 27 too
Honestly they say that it takes a minimum of half the length of the relationship to be able to truly heal from it. You can go a couple different routes to help grow from this. You can try casual dating, OK Cupid is a good one my friend is using, and it allows you to kinda figure out what you are looking for in a person. Obviously it’s going to be a lot of crappy people but the benefit is that it allows you to figure out what You don’t like in a person. It’s not really a solid relationship, just dating, so if it doesn’t work out then *shrug. Oh well. It was just a couple dates. If that doesn’t sound good to you, I recommend trying counseling to talk through the things holding you back from wanting to date again. A lot of anxiety going into a relationship spells red flags for the other person so it’s important to figure yourself out too. I am still trying to figure out what I want in my relationship and whether i want to stay or try finding my own way. We each have our demons we struggle with and i applaud you for reaching out. We are young, its gunna be okay. We have plenty of time to figure shit out and grow from it.
Please know you are not alone in this. I have yet to be in a relationship but I really do get this in regards to friendships.
I encourage you to talk to your significant other about this struggle- I know it can be hard but we have to talk about some stuff so things will be better in the future.
