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Absolute level 10 security right now

Kovu: Hi system is having a slight mental breakdown. Because of this I had to front. I know no one usually gives you guys out full names but I’m chill about this rn. My name’s Kovu, and the one who fronts the most is Kio, but right now he’s in a mindscape puppy/kitty pin with Xaii and Niko. Me, Syra and Nagi are trying to work things out. So, what happend is we were struggling to front again. We had Nagi on he shift but Xaii wasn’t having it so when they were all disctracted I hopped in front seat and started studying, during that time we got a call from an old friend who wasn’t really a friend but mainly a creep. Xaii may have not mentioned this but he also has a fear of wemon, he’s had stalking cases of wemon but he tends to ignore it. We all may be sharing a bit too much information right now but mind you we are having a mental breakdown. Xaii was already in the mindscape so we had to plan some shit without freaking out: in the end, Kio, our main chill leader freaked tf out
Kio: I didn’t freak out I did what was best for the situation
Kovu: Yes what we thought was best, which was sharing too much info with our boss
Kio: I did it because I knew at some point we needed to address the situation. I know we shouldn’t become close to people but at the same time we had no choice for our own safety. So I texted our boss asking about the situation from last week, making sure it didn’t have a link to the call we just got. Now that I’m in the playroom, where Syra and Kovu put me (Syra is like the big dad) we jsut realized we should have gone over this with Syra before doing it, bc now I’m in the play pin trying to calm down with everyone else. Niko is jsut trying to disctract us both, but yea, I think I made a mistake because right after our boss called and i didnt answer bc I panicked, idk if they give a shit or they were just apologizing for calling but they said they were so sorry, Kovu asked the same question again but shorter, boss never replied back so lik… Idk??? That’s when I was put in pet pin to call down bc I realized iw as freaking out. Syra says we were just doing what we had to do, but I should have waited to calm down before doing it. Thing is it would take way longer to calm down without texting than to send a text and calm down right after. I jsut want to know, did I do the right thing? Did we manage this well? This was our irst time addressing danger, but I am slowly realizing our brain detects very minor things as danger, so we can’t tell if we are being rational or not. Please help.

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Update: We are so fucking tired and stressed now and fucking pissed off even more bc our schedule for school tommrorow changed. In pissed to hell now bc that fucking means I’m going to be fucking stuck there for 5+hrs with nothing to do but study and talk to someone who doesn’t give a shit about their grades. I’m done. I’m fucking done. I tried to hold in and ignore all my stress from today but I can, I’m so fucking pissed off I want to scream. I can’t tell whether forgetting the shit that stresses me out helps me or hurts me bc now I’m just fucking PISSED. I just want to fucking talk to someone, I can’t take this.
X

Hey @Systemofconfusion,

We know it’s hard right now, but the HS Houston team is here for you to talk as long as you want. Here is our video response to your post, and we’ll be keeping an eye on this thread to help.

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Thank you thank you thank you. We really appreciate this website bc it is the only place where we feel lik we can be open and honest about everything. Seeing people reply and support eachother makes it all the more better. I know I need to talk about that stuff with a therapist but it feels better to just let it out on a forum and figure out what to do from there. Plus I don’t want to get diagnosed with more shit or be sent to a hospital, so we just write it all down here. Once all the stress is let out we can just relax and try to get through the rest of the day. Yes, it still can be stressful, and yes, we still worry who’s going to mess our day up next, because every time something bad happens I don’t know if I did the right thing, but, the thing is, I’ve never dealt with being brave or courageous, so maybe that’s why Im unsure if I made the right decision or not. Because in the end, it’s up for me to decide. Thank you again.

I think I’m bipolar, idk, I’m always so uncertain.

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Hey @Systemofconfusion,

Hey absolutely - this forum can be whatever you’d like it to be. We’re here to listen and provide a space for you to get your thoughts out. Going to a therapist is hard (receiving a diagnosis can actually lead to some more mental health struggles) but I do want to encourage you to give it a look.

I suggest that because I know your secret. I know who you really are. You are a brave and courageous person, who many doesn’t make the right decisions every single day, but who continues to fight to figure it out. I admire that, and we’re all with you as you roll through it.

  • John
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Niko: That’s kinda scary : (

It definitely can be scary! And exciting. And risky. It could potentially be something that brings you more joy than you thought was possible :slight_smile:

No. He’s creeped out because you said “I know your secret. I know who you really are.” If that’s not creepy call me crazy. Bc that’s creepy.
-K