I grew up in an abusive household. My father would beat my mom up since I was a kid. Despite the fact I always told myself not to end up like my mother, I found a man who is abusive at times. But the sad thing is, I love him. Today is the first day of our honeymoon and because he was on tinder I was mad at him, he then bruised me during the fight and told me I deserved it. He told me now I ruined the whole honeymoon and nothing can fix it. That I had to go ahead and bitch and whine instead of appreciating the view and trying to have fun. I haven’t slept all night, maybe he is right. He’s not talking to me anymore, i think he hates me. I’m sad because although I know it’s not my fault, I wish I could have done better, I feel like I fucked it up. I ruined our honeymoon. Everything is ruined because of me. I don’t deserve to be happy. I ruined our honeymoon. Could you please tell me how I can fix it? We have another 5 days on the island. I’m so broken apart, I looked forward to this. I hate myself for ruining it.
Sara, this is a very difficult situation. I don’t know how else to say this but my advice is to get out now, unless we is seriously going to take counseling and take it seriously. You do not deserve this and you can find real love from someone that will not harm you. My advice as far as the vacation, you are not ruining it. You should make an attempt to enjoy something out of the vacation to get you through. Keep your mind occupied. If its this bad, keeping your mind on something other than your husband may not be a bad idea. I’m sorry you are going through this. I am no expert, but the best advice I have on this is to ask him to do marriage counseling with you and see where that goes. Otherwise, if I was in that situation I’d say leave as soon as possible.
As you mentioned abusive relationships and use this as a title, I think you know that this situation shouldn’t be like this. You didn’t do anything wrong. It is not your fault. You deserve respect. You deserve to be happy. And violence is not love or respect. If your husband has some frustrations, he can always decide to express it in many different ways. Respectful and legal ones. He doesn’t have the right to hurt you in any ways. He doesn’t have the right to diminish you the way he does.
Trust me, I know how you may be feeling right now. And it’s really hard to deal with this uncertainty. So no, being bruised by your husband isn’t okay. It shouldn’t even happen once. I really want to encourage you to trust your intuition when it’s telling you that you that there’s something wrong with the way he behaves.
There is no doubt you love him and want to do the right thing for both of you. But something is absolutely sure: you don’t deserve to be treated like this. You don’t deserve abuses, whether it’s physically or mentally, whether it’s “at times”, regularly or not. Those are not loving things to do and say. Your husband needs to get help, to understand that he doesn’t have the right to treat you this way. But you are not the one who have to be in charge for this. He has to take the responsability of his behavior and your priority is to stay safe.
As you are on honeymoon right now, it may be difficult to do something. So first, please let us know how things are going for you and do not hesitate to come here as much as needed. Also, if you don’t feel safe with him, anytime, try not to stay alone with him and consider reaching out to anyone or even the police. For the moment, you can still call someone you trust and talk about what happened. Even if you may be far away from your beloved ones, you can already do that to receive some support and to not feel isolated. We are here for you too.
You are not ruining anything and you don’t have to fix what happened. It’s his responsability and his fault. I know it’s hard, but I really want to encourage you to consider the possibility to get away from him, whether it’s now or after your trip. If he’s allowing himself to behave like this now, it could evolve in something worse and none of us want this. What already happened is a red flag. I promise you didn’t do anything wrong and it’s not about you. It really is about him. And your mental/physical safety remains a priority.
You are not alone and you matter.
Sending much Love your way.
Please run to the hills! Run! You don’t deserve or need that. Just try to be pleasant and be safe inform people YOU trust that you need an out. Seek a safe place when going it the mainland. Change your lock on your phone ect. Do what you must to survive. Please be safe.