I’ve been feeling really down lately. I feel stuck or trapped like I don’t have real control over my life or my own emotions. It’s incredibly frustrating not having control over the way I feel and how I want to feel. It all comes down to my addiction to my ex. We dated a year and then have been off and on for about another year. I feel like my self worth is lost and I feel like I’m playing a game to get as many points of satisfaction as I can. I do believe I deserve someone who treats me right, someone who would drop everything like I do for them, but I can’t seem to let go of the one holding me down the most. I crave texts, calls, dms, snapchats, anything I can get from him. It makes me feel better and not so alone even though it’s barely anything at all. When I see him I feel as though my body is being rejuvenated and when I leave I feel like I’m coming off a heavy dose drug. It’s only been 2 days since I’ve seen him but I’m down in the dumps and he choose a different option over coming to stay with me. I feel worthless, I feel like my self esteem is gone. I have been meaning to see a therapist or someone to talk to to help me get through these tough times, but I haven’t made it there. I have friends and family there for me, but I only crave the attention of someone who does not want to give it to me fully. I can’t go on another year like this and I just don’t know what to do anymore. I deserve more I know that and I’ve been waiting for god to give me a sign or change my life but nothing ever does. Feeling sad today.
Hey, I wouldn’t call it an addiction. This is absolutely normal. You’re going through a break-up. You need to start focussing on yourself, move your mind from him. I’ve been through 2 bad breakups. Literally everything reminded me of my ex. I had waves of crying and feeling a tad numb. I tried to stay strong though. I bought myself an empty diary, and every time I thought about something of my ex, or I had to get something off my chest, I wrote in it. I made the promise to not feel like I needed to write every day, just the days that I needed it. And surely… after a few months, i barely touched my book anymore. And seeing how long it has been since my last note in the book, really feels good. I recommend you do something like that too.
Thank you for sharing here.
The feelings you’re experiencing are absolutely normal. You are mourning a relationship, and this situation can lead to very different and mixed emotions. I’m sorry you have this feeling of not having control over your life right now, but I can only assure you that things will get better over time.
In fact, you already did something amazing by writing here, which is to accept being vulnerable, to become aware of what you’re feeling and to be able to identify what’s happening. This is a first step to regain some control over your life. Even if for the moment the pain and sadness you’re feeling are too intense, taking a step back and being able to name what you’re going through will help you more and more over time. Also, the advice of @Astroly can be incredibly helpful in your situation.
Maybe try to think of what used to make you feel great already before the breakup. Things you like to do, that give you some pleasure, joy or security. As you mentioned, video games can be helpful in order to focus on something else. Even if for the moment your smiles are not at the rendezvous, it’s important not to only rehearse your pain. I mean, it’s not a question of denying anything, not at all, but more of getting to build for yourself a new equilibrium, day by day.
I’m also happy to know that your family and friends are here for you. When you feel able to, try to just stay with them, even if you don’t have anything in particular to say. That’s okay. They will discuss things that you may find useless but they will also bring you a presence that will be precious for you so that you don’t feel always/too much alone. The fact that you can share some moments with them can be like a crutch for you and give you some new strengths. On the other side, when you just need to isolate yourself a bit, to have moments by yourself, take them too without feeling guilty. That’s absolutely normal.
I’m sorry for this breakup and I’m with you wholeheartedly. Things will get better for you. Take care of yourself as much as possible.