Advice on Giving Support

Good morning friends, hope you are all doing well.

I, as all of us, have many demons of my own that I am battling, but despite that would like to improve my ability to be a support system to those who are important in my life. Sometimes I find it far more difficult to be supportive and understanding for others than simply handling my own issues. I think this is a skill we all (humans on the whole) could benefit from improving upon.

Anyways, the specific situation. My boyfriend recently found out that his father is not actually his father, and that at the time of his birth his mother had to escape his real father as he was abusive. This is not a feeling or situation that I have any experience with or understanding of. Obviously he is scared, and feeling lost, and betrayed. I guess what I would like to know is how I can be there for him even though I don’t understand? Or if any of you have experience with something similar, how would you have liked for those in your life to have helped you through it?

Thank you friends, have a wonderful day. I love all of you, and you matter.

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We are not useless just because we still struggle. If that were the case – who could still stand and give advice? Not me. Glad you are wanting to take a stand for your boyfriend. Thank you for wanting to step into his story.

I think when you don’t have good advice, that’s actually one of the best places to be in…because you can just be with them, and you don’t have to be distracted by trying to give them the right answer. The best thing you can do for anyone amidst their struggles is to listen to them. For your boyfriend, it sounds like you’re already being able to empathize with his emotions. The best part about being HUMAN is that we’ve ALL experienced similar feelings to one another even though our stories are not the same. You don’t have to go through the same situation to be able to listen and understand what they’re going through. Just put yourself in his shoes, and try to imagine a world where you’re feeling what he’s feeling…knowing what you know about him, and just listening to the words he’s saying, and what he’s trying to say but can’t put words to…listen and reflect back to him…seek to really understand him…and help him understand himself…by listening, you work through the emotions he might not be able to access or communicate on his own but together, with you listening, you two can figure it out! Keep leaning in. You’re doing a great job.


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