After 35 years in my current home i am desperate t

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Belongs to: Therapist reacts to Hot To Be Me by Ren Ft Chinchilla
After 35 years in my current home, I am desperate to get out, to move away, to sell the house and get away from the pain that surrounds me and reminds me of everything that has occurred in my life here in this house, or family issues while living here. My husband mentioned last night he decided that he doesn’t want to sell after all. Now I am trying to think of what am I going to do to erase the memories and pain when walking into each room, seeing each wall and doorway, each window that shines light into the room sparking a thought that brings back a trauma - a trauma for me - not for someone else also living here. I guess that is one source of my insomnia, not sleeping well, ill heath heart failure, high blood pressure, rashes and over all body pain. I sometimes wonder if the remodeling changes anything. Nope. Should we knock out walls? add a new room? Put in all new kitchen design. Burn the old furniture? What? what? what can I do? Paint won’t cover the memories. Bandaids may stop the bleeding, but the scar will remain.

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Thank you so much for reaching out and sharing your story! I’m so sorry you are struggling right now and feeling desperate and trapped. Having to face reminders each day of past trauma is so difficult. I pray that you are able to communicate your struggles with your husband and that he can understand your feelings and you can come up with a plan that will enable you to heal. You are worthy of love, compassion and deserve to heal. You are not alone and we’re so grateful you are here!

Oh my goodness, friend. What a painful place to be in. To live in a place that you wish to call home but every single element of it keeps reminding you why it doesn’t feel like home. Every corner of it, every sensation attached to it connects to memories that make you re-live the traumatic experiences you’ve suffered. The very first place where you wish to be safe in feels like dangerous territory. Like being stuck in a cage with so many spikes in it pointed at you that it feels like you just can’t move anymore. Taking a step forward hurts, taking a step backwards hurts - there’s no right for movement, for LIFE to unfold as everything pressures you to stay stuck in time.

For what it’s worth, I can relate to what you share in various manners, but also with this deep need to have the possibility to move to a different place because the space you live in happens to be tied to traumatic memories. My partner and I live in this small appartment that has been cursed with sad events, and I’ve been looking forward to move away from here for so long. But covid/lockdowns stricked, a depression spike too… there’s been forces that pushed this project to a further deadline over and over. It’s hard to maintain patience and calm when internally the very place you live makes you feel like you’re dying inside.

The way it affects you and the way you describe it makes completely sense. To the insomnia, blood pressure and all the questioning about how to reinvest this space or make it look different. And will it be worth it in the end? Would it actually make a difference? These are questions that are so legitimate to ask yourself under such circumstances. If anything, the way you feel makes absolutely sense, friend.

I’m sorry that your husband has had different plans regardin the house seeling recently. Hopefully, with time and honest conversations, there could be some possibility for the both of you to find common ground and move after all. To ensure that safety prevails for the both of you, no matter what. In the meantime, trying to invest this space in YOUR way could indeed be worth it, and maybe even a healing process. A way to find closure not just through words, but through your own actions. Painting a wall with a new color can seem insignificant at first, but what it says is also that: in the present, as you are painting it, you are SAFE. The danger is not present anymore, and you are allowed to reclaim your life fully. That is also a superpower that you own now, my friend. :heart: