From fantasmaaa.: i always thought that finishing school would be like a fresh new start, i would get more friends and be more relaxed and focused and not as anxious and that my life and everything would improve but even tho my life has improve im still so depressed almost everyday i feel bad abt myself and how everyone is better than me, i feel lost i feel like my life is already over and i cant rlly find happiness, even tho i actually got friends im not open with them i js follow them around cuz im scared of them leaving me, and even tho uni its a different enviroment and stuff why isnt anybody as stressed as me over everything why is nobody worrying why am i the only one dying inside while everyone else feels so happy, its like im stuck on time, everything has passed too fast, im almost 17 now and i dont feel ready for the things to come and i js wanna cry and curl up into a ball
i wish i could be more open about myself but i cant bring myself to do that when they could hurt me like people before, i never talk abt stuff i like even tho they ask me for it, i dont even know who i am im so confused of everyone js already having a strong personality i js wanna be like them i wanna be open i wanna be free i wanna be myself, but i dont even like myself i hate myself so much and im jealous over other ppls happiness, everyone seems so happy talking with their friends while i js, dont, while i js overthink stuff and stress myself over not getting perfect grades, i sometimes have some actual fun and i feel nice but then i start sinking back into reality and knowing that my destiny is set in stone and there is no better example of this other than
him. i discovered i was bi some months ago and i js experienced my first male crush and its devastating the way im obsessing over him but i wont be able to even talk with him cuz im too shy to, the most painful part is that he IS gay so i could have a genuine chance with him but…
