Your kindness towards others is so inspiring even when you’re struggling yourself. I want you to know that the words you are saying apply to you as well. You are important no matter what anyone else says and you are so very loved.
Although things like ADHD and autism are things that we cannot change about ourself, it does not mean they have to be things that we hate about ourselves and have to fight. Whenever I have anger that I struggle with a life-long anxiety disorder, I remind myself that I am alive in the time where all the medicine, and the information, and all the support that has ever been made for my condition is available. I have never “accepted” my anxiety disorder since I find that saying that can make it feel like my identity, when I am far more than just my anxiety. Similarly, you are far more than your ADHD and autism. Instead of saying I accepted it, I say that I manage it. It is still something that I have to work on daily, yet I am able to not let it rule my life anymore.
As someone who’s also used being buzzed to silence thoughts in my mind, I’ve found that it is just a temporary solution. The more we run from and stifle our monsters, the more the lies spin in our head and are cemented as truths. Sobriety sometimes is harder than being buzzed, yet being sober gives you the freedom to be your own, authentic self.
Your story does not have to be a cautionary tale, but a testimony of how you reclaimed your life. No one should have to fight every single day, and we do not have to. My close friends and family have listened to me talk on and on about the issues I struggle with, and that has been something that greatly lightened my load. I find that praying to God has given me incredible relief, because He has fought my battles for me, even in times I could not fight for myself.
All of those lies you have been told are not the right way to approach your situation, I’m sorry people have treated you so insensitively. We all struggle, but why does that mean we shouldn’t help out those who are struggling immensely. Sucking up only pushes our pain further down, not resolving it. You do not have to change who you are, we change the things we can.
You are a brave person and I am very proud of you. You are deserving of so much love and I pray that you will be able to see yourself as the fearfully and wonderfully made person that you are. Your story does not end here, the present does not have to be your reality for the rest of your life. I am here for you my friend, I know that you will do great things in life and further discover who you are. You are so loved. Never forget that, my friend <3