I’m usually decent at coping. I got through my eating issues and I’ve got pretty good ways of dealing with crap but I realize that I spend all my time worrying about my sister who has depression to the point of where i can’t stop and it’s like an addiction. Im always trying to make her happy, I do everything I can to keep her from getting upset, I do all these tasks and things for her and whenever she thanks me I always feel much better about myself. If she doesn’t talk to me or give me affirmation for a long time then I guess i get kind of upset and lately it’s all been building up until I had a mini meltdown yesterday and now I’m wondering if I’m a codependent or something which would make sense but thinking about trying to get out of it or asking for help makes me scared because I don’t really trust my parents and if I try to talk to her I’m afraid I’ll upset her or something so I don’t know what to do.
It is okay you don’t know what to do. Your sister needs time to heal. You got to remind yourself that you can’t do everything for her. Just be there with her and for her. Loving her it is one of the best things to do. You have to take care of yourself too. The best is yet to come. I hope you are hanging on. Thank you for sharing. God loves you.
Yeah it’s tough to feel like you’re trying to do this good thing, but you see that your heart doesn’t just want it…it NEEDS it…and you don’t know what to do when you don’t get it…
I think it’s important to excavate what it is that you’re actually wanting and why you want it. Yes, there is a part of you that is motivated out of genuine goodness, and that part of you just sees a need in your sister and wants to help. But there’s also a part in you that maybe…takes on unnecessary responsibility or blame for her emotions. You may have learned that if someone feels bad, it’s your fault. And until you right that wrong, you are to blame, and you are worthless. So you feel insecure and unsafe when you’re not helping others because it means that you’re at risk of being accused of unworthiness.
I’m not sure if ^^^^ any of that actually applies to you, I’m more giving an example of what understanding yourself COULD look like. Because if you dig in and understand WHY, you can start to act differently as a result. You can tell yourself, “OK, my sister’s depression IS NOT my fault. In this moment, I am going to hope that she feels better, but I am going to release myself from the need to fix it for her.” Or whatever it is that would actually help the problem deep within you.
Journaling about this might be helpful. When you /can’t/ fix something for your sister, you can take time to write out – okay, I feel insecure, why is that? And just start to get a better sense for what’s going on inside your heart. It will do you great good 
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