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Another bad season and I don’t think I can take it


#1

I just want to die. So bad. I can’t stop these annoying thoughts.

I’m so tired and I’m so weak.

I’m 3000 dollars in debt for college now. I’m going to fail out of all my classes. I wish I could say I tried my best but I didn’t and now it’s too late.

The only way that I feel like this madness can end is if I just die. I’m so tired.

People have been catching on that I’m not ok that I’ve been getting worse but they get mad. They try to help but then they get mad or I get mad.

The past year has been progress and now I’m back at winter. Back at the time perks of where I was at my rock bottom for so long; I finally crawled out of the pit and now I’m back.

I’ve been using a rubber band to not self injure but I’m just so tired. I don’t even know if snapping a rubber band counts as not self injury.

I’m so tired. I just need this pain to go away. I just wish that I could make myself end it but I can’t. I just need this to end. I can’t take this anymore.


#2

What you’re describing sounds a lot like seasonally affective depression. If that’s the case, try getting some exposure to bright light every day.
People have a tendency to become angry when their efforts aren’t immediately rewarded with you doing better. They often don’t understand that a person won’t instantly get better. People that do understand that wouldn’t harbor that anger towards you. Try telling them that. Say that it’s not their fault and that you appreciate the effort.
Stay strong; you are loved :slight_smile:


#3

I appreciate your words.

I know my depression gets bad this time of year. My grandma died two years ago and it makes this season really rough.

I don’t know how I’m going to make it through this shift at work. I need to go. I’m so tired. I know with time people will understand better, but right now I can’t take it.

I’ve made a lot of progress this past year and now I’m hitting the same season and I’m just so tired.


#4

I’m sorry for your loss, for what it’s worth. I lost my grandfather recently, so I get it. I’ve found that the easiest thing to do is to keep going like nothing happened. I take things day by day, and focus on the present and the future, instead of dwelling in the past.


#5

Friend,
I am so sorry you are back in this place.
It has to be so frustrating and difficult to feel these old feelings coming back. And I know that it doesn’t feel like it right now but I promise you it will get better. This is just a chapter of your life, not the whole story. Sometimes people who can’t understand what someone with depression feels they get upset because they don’t understand. I’m sorry you don’t have a better support group. Are you in school? Does your campus or high school have a counselor you could talk to? That might really help you to talk through everything. Sometimes that helps me.

Love,
Cassie


#6

@Trench

I’m sorry you are in rough season. You don’t know when it is going to end, but that’s okay. You just got to keep moving forward. One step at a time. Thank you for sharing your post.


#7

@Trench I feel you. (Someone (not my parents) help raised me while my parents couldn’t at the time. Died at this time. It is just really hard for me around this time and around my family. I have a lot of resentment towards my family as well as grief to deal with because I lost this someone and not one single member contacted me until 2 to 6 months later. I am skipping out on the holidays this year (and probably every year) now on.