Another downhill spiral

I freakin hate myself and everything I do. I can’t find a stupid job and I feel like my life is just falling apart again. Anxiety controls my stupid life and it freaking sucks. I’m so sick of it.

Do I want to get better? I thought I did. Some days I don’t. Some days I just want to wallow in these stupid feelings because I know things won’t get better.

I try and try and try. I don’t even know if I’m trying anymore.

I keep getting knocked back down and I am so sick of living in this stupid shell.

I can’t freaking do anything. I hate myself so much. I wish I could just be like my sister or someone else. I wish I could just not be me. I’m so sick of myself and my brain and I just freaking hate myself.

I feel like everything is going to go downhill again. I feel worthless and stupid and like I don’t deserve to be here or to be loved.

I’m so freakin sick of myself and I’m so sick of shit going wrong.

I want to be there for people and I want to help people but I don’t know why I can’t. I don’t know.

I’m so sick of myself.

Lyss. I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. I know the last few days have been up and down for you, but know that finding a job doesn’t just happen overnight for most. My best friend spent a year applying for jobs before finally getting hers… just as she was about to give she got that call. I have had the pleasure of getting to really know you over the last few weeks and you are one of the most incredible, strongest people I know. No one is perfect, no ever will be. The fact that you’re here right now, on the support wall reaching out IS trying and shows that you DO want to get better, even if it doesn’t feel like it. You are going to get through this, you are going to get better and you are worth all the love that you get. I mean just yesterday we were celebrating an amazing clean time for you and that in itself is going to help other people realise that recovery is possible. You are so worthy of every ounce of love and support from this community and we will always be here to pick you up when you fall. Just by being here you are helping people fight their demons and start on their road to recovery.
Keep fighting, you are one of the brightest lights in the community and you are needed.

Kayla

Hey, Lyss. I’m so sorry that you’re going through such a rough time. I’ve been trying to find a new job recently too so I know the struggle. But it’s not an overnight thing, and it’s going to take some time. I would recommend calling the places you apply to or showing up so they know how serious you are!

I’ve also realized that it’s kind of addicting to feel this way. As in, it’s easier to say things won’t get better so we just wallow in the sadness. Just don’t let the sadness consume you. You are stronger and better than that.

You are not worthless, and you shouldn’t wish to be someone else.

There is only one you and you are loved, valuable, and so important.

Thanks for reaching out. If you ever need anything, my inbox is always open.

Much love!
Jillian

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Thanks guys. I think I just need to stop making myself get into this headspace. Thank you again.

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Hey @Lyss,

We care for you! You’re not alone in this fight. Underneath anger is sadness, and I completely understand how frustrating it can be to constantly miss the extremely high bar that you set for yourself.

You have all the right in the world to be furious with what you’re going through, but I need you to please adjust your mindset to, “I know things WILL get better.” It may not be today, tomorrow, next week or even next month, but it WILL come. That, I can promise you. Hold fast. We want to see you beat this!

-Eric