It’s in the middle of the night and I’m not okay.
My thoughts are eating me alive and the pain in my body tries to paralyze me.
At the moment my toxic thoughts are focused on “how could anybody love you, ever?”
I don’t know how to argue against it, there is just too much evidence against me.
People fall in love all around me and I’m the “last man standing” so to say. But do I win anything? Other than loneliness?
Who would want the leftovers of an ex addict/mental wreck/emotional mess?
Doesn’t quite sound like the prize anyone would want to have…
I’m working on my self worth and self love, however i am being dragged down this lonely dark night.
I love love, but it doesn’t seem to work both ways, it just doesn’t like me…
I feel like the words you wrote spoke straight to me, honestly. I feel, and have felt, the exact same way for many years now. It is a terribly lonely place to be. You are absolutely not alone.
We are not our failures/mistakes/past. There will be someone one day who will see you for who you are, which is perhaps someone who is stronger and more compassionate for what they’ve been through, and love you for it. Everyone is deserving of love. As you know, the waiting is the hardest part.
Keep moving & improving yourself, that self worth and self love may be the light someone sees in you one day, even if you feel unlovable due to your past.