Another post about my mom

[tart]

Don’t get me wrong, I know she cares about me… but sometimes I really feel like she doesn’t.
Two days ago, we had a fight about my eating habits, which, in my eyes, seem okay at the very least, but it seems like in her eyes I’m not eating at all… this has been going on for… maybe a few years now? But it’s gotten worse this week.
Just yesterday, she was so happy and proud that I fully ate a single side dish, but then today she suddenly woke up (don’t question it please) and just started lecturing me about not eating anything but a single meal today… it really makes me think that whatever I’m doing is just for nothing. Because moments before she said that, I was smiling and laughing while watching something, but after that… I just can’t bring myself to continue watching, and it really hurts because I was interested in what I was watching.
And, of course, after she said that she left like she went back to sleep like nothing happened… it feels like whenever she’s half-asleep, she says the most hurtful things without a care, and it really hurts.
And I know if she ever saw this, she would start saying she was a bad parent for all these things, which, even though a lot of it hurts, I don’t think it’s true. I think we just need to communicate more? I don’t know.
Just wanted to vent, no replies needed.

PS: Thought I should add, I’m not underweight nor overweight… I’m getting a little close (well, BMI calculators say I am overweight, despite my doctor saying I’m not), so I have to be eating good, if not too much… right?

[twixremix]

hey tart,

i know you said no replies needed but i just wanted to say how admirable your understanding for both sides of these interactions is. i wish you all the best in communicating your thoughts and feelings with her. you’re doing your absolute best even when the things she says to you hurt. thank you for opening up about this here on the forum - hope it provided you clarity and a release of emotions by writing it all out! hope you can do something kind for yourself soon, my friend, you deserve it!

love,
twix

[sravyasridhar]

Hi friend,
This can definitely be a hard situation to navigate as the person making you feel this way is your mom, but you know she is a good parent deep down, as you mentioned. I think your point on communication may help resolve this issue slowly. Expressing the way your mom’s comments make you feel may be helpful for her, in case she didn’t realize the true impact of her comments. Everything you’re doing is not for nothing. I am proud of you. Make sure you do not let anyone else’s thoughts/opinions undermine your feelings. I hope your relationship with your mom gradually improves, and hopefully, talking it through with her is a good first step.

• Star

[Jearls]

Hi friend. Your feelings are valid. Your ability to understand both sides of the situation is impressive. You are heard. You are not alone. Sending love.
-SM

[Malig3]

Hey there,
Thanks for sharing your experience with us! Parents often want the best for us and may unintentionally express this in hurtful ways. I think communicating more and letting her know that you were upset would be really beneficial for the both of you. I think it is amazing that you are writing your feelings out and using this space to vent. I am wishing you the best, and I hope you and your mother sort things out. We are here if you wanna talk about anything else. <3 I just wanted you to know that you have control over your life and the ability to live it in whatever way makes your heart happy. sending love.

[Micro]

Thank you for using this space to share what’s on your heart here. Communication can be so challenging, especially with parents whom we know want our best but seem to be a bit clunky in the way they express it. Personally, while growing up there are times when I would see my parents caring about me but also noticing how bad they were at communicating it. Like you describe, it was often done in a sudden, almost explosive way. Which makes me think that they may have been ruminating silently and at some point it becomes too much for them and they feel the urge to express it. It sounds that your mom is a bit in this position of actively thinking about your eating because she’s worried for you, but also doesn’t know yet a healthy way to communicate things to you. It’s definitely possible that some more open, regular and honest communication would be helpful for both of you. It would give you a space to express yourself and share your perspective, and for her to understand your point of view/see that you are okay.

I hope you will both find peace together, ease the worries maybe, and have the possibility to feel like there’s only space for much love and care between you.