Recently I’ve been feeling depressed. I cry alot of nights, I dont know why but I do. It may be from covid and other factors but idk. But with anxiety, when I get anxious I’ve been feeling quite overwhelmed recently. And when I do feel overwhelmed I think about scenarios. trigger warning, talk of suicide ahead Like recently one that comes into my mind is if I owned a hand gun and If I became overwhelmed with anxiety, what would happen? What would I do? I dont plan suicide but I think about it I create fictional scenarios in my head. 
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Bryan, I don’t think that’s crazy or unusual. I’ve had crazy scenarios play out in my head too. You’re not alone in the overwhelming anxiety and feeling like you want to cry for what feels like no reason…and to feel like you don’t know how to handle these invasive emotions. Doesn’t make it go away to know you’re not alone, but at least you’re not crazy, and you’re not the only one.
One of the first things that I find helpful with my anxiety / depression is taking the time to slow down and actually look at it…where is it coming from? Why am I feeling this way? When I can pin down and trace those thoughts they become less scary and I start to understand myself better. I believe this is a worthwhile practice, to understand yourself.
I think you’ll find that your feelings are very logical, and not as scary as they feel, and understanding the logic can help point you in the right direction for next steps towards making this stuff better.
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Hey Bryan
It sounds like this may feel overwhelming at times and you are 100% right that it may be from covid and other factors fueling your depression. Many times i run into the same feelings of feeling overwhelmed and panicky when anxiety gets way too high. In the moment it is hard to break down what causes the anxiety but have you tried to recognize/ identify any triggers or the thought process at night time leading to being overwhelmed?
Creating fictional scenarios in your head is realistic especially since i resound deeply with doing this daily. People think it is odd but it is rational depending on the type of personality you have…I am a planner in case of emergencies so i run through scenarios preparing for the “worse case scenario.”
Keep posting friend and stay safe
Hold fast
Eric F
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I know how you feel its happened to me a few times especially from being home all day for months since COVID. I’m here to talk if you need it.
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