Can I ask you guys something? Does every relationship have major problems? Like cheating or abuse or major disagreements? My ideal relationship is someone I am able to have healthy arguments with and for them never to cheat. But I’m telling myself maybe that’s all men? They all somehow cheat whether it’s through watching porn or following women on socials, flirting with other women. Please be honest.
People are individuals. They are different, each one of them, although some herd behavior appears on some subjects. That being said: no, not all men are the same.
I believe in loyalty, for example, which is broader than simply ‘faithfulness’. It involves gratitude over someone who helped you, involves your word having meaning and the strength of a contract, and of course, being faithful - with friends or anyone you’re involved with.
A lot of men dislike the whole concept of porn, and some (like myself) don’t even like or have social media - i honestly believe it’s ruining everything, including relationships. I have colleagues who believe the same, although a lot others would be included on your own description of men.
There are ways to recognize a decent person (who values loyalty), and i’ve been practicing that for years, and one thing i’ve learned is that you should act exactly like you would act with someone you are not interested, and see how he would react from the real you. You should also see how he treats other people when nobody he wants to impress is around, how would he treat his parents? Another good way [from my perspective] is noticing how truthful he is, how sincere. I can’t believe how many people see others being cool with someone, and as soon as this someone leaves he/she starts trashing the one who left, and yet people don’t see the red flag, it honestly seems insane. That is a right away no go for me, but it seems to go unnoticed for too many: that is not a person you can trust.
Anyway, as long as you remember that there are billions of individuals on this planet, and that they all have their own background, their own education, their own sense of purpose, their own ego, you’ll notice peculiarities that will differentiate themselves, and loyalty is one of these peculiarities that i value the most for it i can be a projection of so many other good qualities, including being faithful to his/her partner.
Hi my Friend,
thank you so much for sharing.
like @MrNobody said absolut right, every one of us is different. with everything in life.
i believe in mankind, in the people. in the kindness and respect we should have for each other. when it comes to friends
and relations, relationships loyalty, trust and honesty is important for me. your partner is and should be your first to speak with about everything. when starting an argument is happening, you should always be able to talk it out completely, before one is leaving the room. a relationship is not always the sunny side of life, but when it gets darker you should get through together and support each other, be there for each other.
when it comes to porn and social media, that is so difficult, because in these days it is everywhere. social media is so
bad, but also can do good. i am not a fan of porn either. the concept of it, speaks to the main part of people.
men or women. but it is something no one is speaking of, never heard of better. i personally think that following someone on a social media platform is not bad, when it comes to flirting in a relationship i think there are boundaries
and no go’s. treat others like you want to be treated, and always be the person you are.
but that comes with so many things in life, we only start and end the same in our life. the inbetween is, what makes us different, but also same. our journey we go through, we all have different obstacles, different experiences, different
opinions. what we all should be aware of, we only have one. kindness, trust and honesty should be around more.
thank you again for sharing. you are doing great and you will do. you are loved and you matter most
No, not all men are like this.
My husband and I have been married for almost 10 years (anniversary in May). In those 10 years, I can count on 1 hand the amount of heavy arguments we’ve had that ended in me crying and him getting upset. He has never cheated on me, nor I him, probably because we’ve both been cheated on in past relationships. My husband is not abusive (he is on the Autism spectrum so there are things that occasionally are said abrasively but he usually doesnt realize when he does it).
When we need to talk something out or vent, we almost never do it while we are both hot headed. We take some time apart to cool off so that when we do air our grievances, it can be done in a calm a rational way. This always results in both of us feeling relieved and knowing that we didnt do or say something in the moment that we would regret.
Communication is always open. Neither of us are perfect, but we try. I dont consider our marriage work, I am not abused and I dont fear infidelity. It is possible to find a partner who will love and respect you the way you deserve.
I know you asked for a man’s opinion on this, but I’d like to share my experience with men.
I was married for almost 18yrs and am divorced now. My ex husband was manipulative and mentally abusive and since I have borderline personality disorder, our marriage was pretty up and down. We had good moments, but we also had very bad moments.
My partner now, I’ve been with for 13 1/2 years and he is the most wonderful man alive. He treats me with respect, love and he does he best to make me happy. He’s never raised his voice to me in anger, he’s very supportive of my mental health and his eyes don’t wonder.
No person is the same, male or female and we all have our wounds when it comes to relationships. It’s really hard not to bring baggage from a previous relationship into a new one and remember that this new person isn’t going to be the same. It’s hard to realize that someone can love you and want nothing but the best for you when you’ve only had men in your life who have not treated you the way you deserve to be treated. It’s difficult to believe that, it really is.
I feel like letting a new person in our life show you who they really are first is important before putting the judgment on them that they are just going to hurt you and treat you badly. It’s really not fair to them when we assume they are just like all the other guys that have hurt us. There are some really awesome guys out there and I hope you find one.
Your response has relieved me in leaving. I was feeling guilty but I deserve everything you have and more. I’m happy for you and I strive to have a better relationship that doesn’t make me feel like I will be cheated on
I completely understand what you’re saying and I agree. I guess I’ve just been exposed to very abusive men and the bad lot. I just needed reassurance that there ARE good men out there. I just haven’t been exposed to them. Thank you
Good! Best of luck to you. You’re worth it.
And I completely understand your thinking too and know how hard it is to trust that there are men out there who will treat you well and want the best for you.
Thank you for your reassurance.
From Rohini_868: it’s not all men. It sounds like you have some key boundaries for your relationships, and that’s awesome!! Relationships take time to get to know the other person, to discuss these views and to see how compatible you are. Sometimes, some people do hide their true selves, but it’s not all men. Cheating is a painful thing to experience, but i do hope that you are recovering from any bad experiences you had and you will give yourself the time and space to heal. Not every one you meet and like will have the same values as you, keep looking until you find someone who hold these things valuable to them as you do.