As a british army vet who has lost a few brothers

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Belongs to: Therapist analyzes Su!cIde by Ren
As a british army vet who has lost a few brothers,I have definitely come close, last year had been the worst since leaving the army.
Soldiers who remove themselves always hits harder than those lost in battle.
We are still fighting that battle. That what if Id seen the signs, if Id just been there, why am I still here, why me.
After that death last year I have never felt so lonely, that one person that would literally drop everything he was doing to be there. That went both ways and I failed him.
The thought of personal removal is always there.
I simply would not put my children and wife through that pain I feel or see in the family of that friend that brother.
First time I heard this song, it has had me in tears as i type this.
Like Ren said that eternal pendulum swing.
That good day to bad day that light to the dark is constant for many many soldiers. Just one click away.

As usual when asked I am ok, I’m fine. Close family know different yet dont force that chat, stay away from my thoughts, know I will not talk about what I seen or have had to do.
Maybe this video and need to comment will be a start of facing everything.
Stay stromg anoyone who has those dark days, family should be the light in that dark we see in those times, that light that shouts out we are needed :pray:


I’d like to start by thanking you for your service. You’ve so selflessly served your country and that sacrifice does not go unnoticed. I’m so sorry to hear of your struggles. PTSD and suicidal ideation can be a relentless flood, sweeping you off of your feet and taking you to a place you feel like you can’t bear. I’m also so sorry that you’ve lost your friend. The pain stings so deep when it hits so close to home. I want to assure you, however, that losing him is not your fault. You were there for him so much and you were the best support system he could have asked for. You don’t have to carry the burden of the decision he made.

I love what you said about commenting on this video being the start of facing everything. Sometimes we need that turning point, where we open our eyes and can truly evaluate the state we find ourselves in. No matter how dark your situation is or how fleeting hope may feel, it is never too late to have a turning point. Your advice is golden- stay strong in those dark days. Find the light in your family. Cherish their love and open up to them. You are needed and this world truly is a better place with you in it. It’s okay to struggle. It’s okay to hurt. But those struggles will pass and joy will bloom. I encourage you to stick around and experience that joy. We at HeartSupport are always here for you if you need us. We wish you only the best.

Thank you so much for your service. The sacrifice and PTSD you go through it absolutely unimaginable. Thank you for all your have laid down for your country, including these relationships lost. I hear you saying that while seasons change and some days are good and some days are bad, the bad days always come back. You don’t open up to friends and family because you don’t want to put all this weight on their shoulders-- you’re trying to stay strong for them. I hear a tone of encouragement when you say that this will be the start of facing everything. I would like to amplify that emotion and say YES! Please let this be the start of facing all the things you’re suppressing and hiding from. Please find the help you need and someone to confide in about all these horrible things. Family is absolutely a light that shouts out we are needed, wanted, and loved and I pray you can continue to lean on all those that love you so much to hold you through the dark days and rejoice with you in the light days. We’re here for you!

Oh friend. Thank you so much for sharing all of this. I can only imagine how painful it must feel to be close to talking about the things you’ve experienced, seen and done, while also feeling like your heart is simply not ready for it. Hopefully, one day, you will reach that point and let it all out, without any shame or guilt on your shoulders, for these feelings are not what you deserve to carry with you. Your voice deserves to be shared and heard, at your very own pace. There is love and support to be welcomed into your world, no matter what. You matter so very much. :heart: