This is a topic from YOUTUBE. Reply as normal, and we will post it to the user on YouTube.
Belongs to: BMTH - Can You Feel My Heart - Therapist Reacts
As someone who struggles with heavy suicidal thoughts and self harm, I really love bring me the horizon. Their songs hit hard, like really hard.
Music can be wonderfully therapeutic. Hope you are having an alright day today! If you ever want/need to share more about what you are going through, please feel free to do so. Sharing, for me, has been one of the most game changing things in my recovery. I was lost before I was forced to share, now I choose to. Thank you for letting us in, even just a little bit, on your feelings. <3
@@HeartSupportThank you. Today has not been a great day, and there’s even no reason for it. It’s just my thoughts burdening me.
I really struggle with self hatred and never feeling good enough. Also feeling that I’m a bad person and that I’m being mean to my loved ones. As the video mentioned with people that are suicidal push people away. I’m just afraid of putting my problems onto other people, like burdening them. But also that I don’t trust my close ones with my feelings. I have been told to suck it up or been mocked when I’m vulnerable.
Luckly I found a trusted adult to talk to but I sometimes don’t know if I made the right choice opening up to her because I feel like I’m burdening her, but also I don’t feel like I’m getting better even when talking to professionals that are experienced in this. Every day feels heavier than the other and I keep punishing myself. I often cut myself to punish myself, but sometimes it is to take away my sorrow. And other times it is to actually feel something because I don’t feel alive sometimes. Like I’m watching myself from outside my body. I am my thoughts, not my physical body. Feeling disconnected to myself, I don’t know who I am.
That’s why I can relate to Sleepwalking by Bring Me The Horizon. It feels like time stands still and that it’s like I’m sleepwalking.
Hey Friend 
Sorry to hear you are going through a tough time. During times like this, it’s so important to find things that bring comfort and connection, and it appears to be that music has done that for you. Music has a strange way of connecting with us on a much deeper level than humans can.
Like you, I also turn to music when life gets overwhelming and too heavy to bare. I’m glad that that BTMH has given you a platform to connect and express your emotions. I don’t know about you, but I really do find someone else expressing what I am feeling so validating.
Remember, though, while music can be a powerful ally, it’s equally important to reach out to friends, family, or professionals for support. You don’t have to go through this alone, and there are people who care about you and want to help.
If you ever feel the need to talk, consider reaching out to a mental health professional or a helpline. There are resources available, and taking that step to connect with someone who can provide support and guidance is a courageous move. You deserve care and understanding.
I hope this has been helpful!
I’m sorry you were told to suck it up and even mocked at times when you reached out about your struggles. It really is a courageous step to take as you share your vulnerability and remove the usual layers of protection that creates this distance between others and you. It’s just awful that sometimes people use that as a weapon to turn against people though. It shouldn’t be that way. Vulnerability should be honored and respected at all times, even seen as a gift. Rest assured that, at the very least, we do receive it as a special action that has to be honored here. You’ll never be mocked at Heartsupport for being vulnerable, having emotions, struggling - basically for being human.
What you describe about the fear of burdening others is something that is also relatable to me personally. I grew up in a family where we wouldn’t talk about how we feel and needed to hide our emotions, otherwise it would create discomfort, if not rejection. So as an adult, whenever I share how I feel, even to someone I deeply trust, I can’t help feeling like I just shouldn’t express any of this. It’s hard to navigate what feels like a contradiction: on one hand knowing rationally that reaching out is okay, healthy, and a good step to take. But on the other hand feeling like it’s not, like we’re taking too much space. The urge to retreat to a place where we wouldn’t be seen anymore is intense, and it takes a lot of energy to not listen to it.
You have without a doubt been carrying your own share of struggles, and it makes sense at times to feel like talking and reaching out, even to professionals, doesn’t make any difference. When we work on our own healing, there are times when we feel like moving backwards. There are so many layers of pain and raw emotions to process, cope with, walk through. It’s messy and feels like walking into a field only made of mud. It sticks on your shoes and make it heavier the more you walk. Although it *feels" that way, it also makes it hard to see our progress because we’re right in the eye of the storm. Getting some kind of distance and perspective over the actual steps we’ve been taking feels damn impossible when you are in the middle of a fight with yourself.
From the outside here, and just through what you have shared about you and your story, I can tell that you’ve taken some major steps to support yourself. Reaching out to people - even if those people didn’t listen as they should have -, talking to professionals, opening up here about the way you feel about yourself and self-harm… these are huge steps, my friend. Really. It takes a serious amount of courage and resilience to not listen to this voice that urges you to disappear and remain hidden. To contradict the thoughts telling you that you’re nothing, by reaching out and standing up for yourself as there is a part of you that feels these thoughts are wrong. You could choose to not open up - especially after the bad experiences you’ve had!. You could choose to retreat over and over, but you are here. Sharing your voice and expressing things that are so important to hear. I really and to acknowledge that today because it is far from being nothing, even if results you are expecting to see may not be present yet. Somehow, progress is not linear but certainly feels more like a being on a rollercoaster all the time. Even if it feels most of the time we’re just walking through the same circles over and over, we are growing, changing, making new decisions and steps forward. No matter how small or big, all these steps matter and are part of paving a better path for you.
I believe in you my friend. Wholeheartedly. <3
-Micro
@@HeartSupport Hello. I just really wanted to thank you for saying all this. I wish I could write something long like you to show how grateful I am, but I cannot find the words. I’m just really grateful. Thank you. I’ll try to remember this.
The urge to self harm is always really hard to fight against. I relapse atleast twice a week and I do have about 8 attempts to take my life during a month. I just really hope that things will get better because it really doesn’t feel like it. But I know that our feelings are tricky and aren’t always the truth, but it is so so hard to try and logic my way out when everything in me is saying the opposite.
Thinking of you today, friend. And sending love your way. I hope you are doing okay/take good care of yourself, as well as of this precious heart of yours. You matter. <3
-Micro
@@HeartSupport Thank you. I’m not doing so well, but I’m trying to keep my mood up. Thanks for checking in.
For what it’s worth, I’m very proud of you for trying, friend. It may feel absolutely pointless and discouraging sometimes if it doesn’t produce an immediate relief, although each step taken towards taking care of yourself is worth it and builds up to something better. I believe in you, still. If you ever need to talk and be heard, you’ll always have a space here. 
@@HeartSupport Thank you for still believing in me. It is very needed when I am not able to believe in myself. I just feel like every day is getting more and more exhausting to endure and I can’t seem to find a purpose to keep going. It’s like the Bring Me The Horizon song Mantra when Oli sings: I need a purpose, I can’t keep surfing, through this existential misery.
I need to find some purpose or reason to keep going because it’s like I’m on top of this feeling of misery and it’s like I can’t keep going.
I don’t want to be here anymore, but I know I can turn to self mutilation to take everything away for a brief moment.