hi um i’ve never been on this forum, but i just really need someone to talk to. i don’t want to do this anymore. everyday i have no motivation and it’s honestly making me a shitty person. i really want to talk to people i’m close to but i put them in the dark because simple conversations take so much out of me and i can’t help but analyze every single thing i could’ve done or said wrong, i make plans with people i love and skip out on them for that reason, i can’t even bring myself to eat or get out of bed to do more than use the bathroom. i am so exhausted just from the thoughts in my own head, but people don’t understand ya know? i cant help but hate myself. i hate the way i talk, how i look, the way i cant look people in the eyes, how awkward i am, my short responses to literally anything, the way i have to constantly bounce my leg or mess with my fingers because it’s all so overwhelming, god i could go on forever. i have constant anxiety and the smallest things can really amp it up, most of the time i have no idea what even triggers it. i started getting professional help in 6th grade (im graduating highschool soon now) and i’ve seen so many people and tried so many medications, but it really never gets better. how is someone supposed to live life when their own mind and body do nothing but work against them? it just seems to get harder every single month is worse than the last. my family isn’t here for me and i have a few friends but theyre distancing themselves and i cant blame them, i’m miserable and i know that can unintentionally rub off onto others. anyways i’m just so tired of being this way and i want so badly to be better for others but i cant even be better for myself. i don’t know what to do.
oh friend,
my heart goes out to you as you go through this. It must be such a task to fight your brain every moment. Are you currently seeing a therapist? Have they given you any pointers to try mindfulness to sort of give yourself a moment to just be and just breathe in the moment?
I’m glad you found us, and I genuinely thank you for trusting us and sharing these feelings with us. We love you, as you are, and we see you for who you are. I know for sure that you matter, and that you are worthy. Here, it doesn’t matter how you look, how you sound, none of those things. We’re glad you’re here, just as you are.
do you have any sort of hobby that you have the energy and focus to do? Like painting or drawing or doodling?
This forum is for peer support, the kind that can be provided without knowing a great deal of background about a person’s history or circumstances. Some advice here is valid regardless of who gives it, for example if in crisis, seek help. Advice that helps a person understand their value, gain confidence or receive comfort works well here also. Sometimes the right questions will allow a person to advise themselves.
As far as needing someone to talk to, were pretty good at listening, and relating in a nonjudgmental way. I like to share observations and experiences that demonstrate that as bad as things may seem, or as hopeless as one may feel, healing is possible. A person won’t accept the reality of such possibilities, while in a state of hopelessness or despair.
Do the conversations take a lot out of you because you anticipate analyzing them exhaustively? Do you notice those times when you said just the right things? Practically everyone’s verbal communications are loaded with errors, and are always a work in progress. The only way anyone gets better at expressing themselves is through practice, and errors are a necessary part of the practice.
If you are talking about overthinking, that happens to me most often when I should be sleeping. Then of course, sleep loss interferes with the thinking process.
Have you heard it said, “we are our own worst critics?” It’s absolutely true. Things about us that others don’t even notice, often feel like a really big deal to us.
It sounds like “stage fright,” or social anxiety.
Your struggle has been heroic, and you have managed to survive. So far, nothing has worked out very well for you, but as time passes, your mind is evolving, and you are gaining wisdom. You may not have benefited from several therapists, but there is uniqueness in each of their approaches, and it’s still possible that you will find a therapist who really understands you, and who you can understand. There are a huge number of medications available, and at least one of them may be helpful. Sometimes a good therapist can explain how a medication is supposed to work, how long it takes for it to reach a therapeutic level, and what to report regarding your response to it. When that happens, it’s possible that a medication that didn’t work in the past, will become effective.
I’m glad that you understand how your sadness can make those around you uncomfortable. It takes a level of strength and emotional maturity that is uncommon among those with limited life experience, to realize that the discomfort they are trying to withdraw from is actually a signal indicating that it’s a time to draw close and be supportive of the person who is in pain.
Being better for yourself is the most important thing right now. It might be time to evaluate all the habitual thoughts and assumptions you have made about yourself. At the end of the day, recall at least one good thing that you have said or done, or perhaps compassionately avoided saying or doing.
Negative thoughts about yourself have been circling in your mind for a very long time. What about your kindness, the good things that you do, your self-discipline, your talents and your willingness to support others? You are at least 95% wonderful, yet you are overwhelming yourself with the 5% that still needs a bit of work.
Lately I’ve been saying it quite often, “treat yourself as you would treat others.” You both deserve, and have earned the right to be your own friend.
Imagine a time in the near future when your experience with struggling will provide you with the kind of empathy that enables you to support others through the healing process.
Welcome to Heart Support! I look forward to hearing from you again.
Hey friend,
There’s a lot to unpack in your post so please bear with me as I will try to go through each step of your post.
For a long time I shared a similar struggle as you, of not having the motivation to get up, shower, eat, etc. And this is something that took me months to overcome, and even now it’s not easy. Here’s what I would encourage you to do. Take a piece of paper and write each day of the week. And then write 2 things for each day that you would like to accomplish. For example maybe Monday it’s: brush my hair, eat 2 meals. Tuesday may be: brush my teeth, go for a walk. Wednesday: shower, reach out to a friend. This will begin to make you feel so much better, even though in the beginning it may seem like those things are so small. Every step is huge in healing and recovery.
Pushing people away is something I’ve done and continue to do. It’s a protection plan as I explain it. It’s easier to push people away, then for them to eventually distant themselves from you right? Yeah I feel you friend. Here’s what I can say, we aren’t meant to live alone. Find some close friends you can reach out to, that understand you. Take things slow, and remember healthy boundaries.
Here’s my last thing, healing and recovery takes time. There’s no expected recovery and healing time. And it’s like a roller coaster, there’s good and bad days. Good and bad weeks, man even good and bad months. Take your time, love yourself, and remember you’re worth it. You deserve to be happy, and loved, and valued. And you are.
Hold Fast, With Love,
Monkey
From: twixremix
hey friend, thank you for being here on the wall and sharing your experience in life. please know you are loved, valued, and appreciated here. i’m happy you’ve gotten professional help since 6th grade and could put your mental health first. do you feel like you’ve gotten productive support from this professional help? i went through a couple therapists in my time to find one that can truly help me find love for myself, others, and this world. and with the transition of your high school graduation, it’s understandable that things aren’t easy. so please be kind to yourself, know that things do get better, and that the right professional help is out there to help guide you through all of the obstacles and insecurities you shared on this post. i believe in you to make it out on the other side healthier, stronger, and ready for a bright future ahead. love, twix
From: Lisalovesfeathers
Hi Friend, Welcome to HeartSupport and thank you for your post. Can I please start by saying You are not alone! I think most of us here ei-ther have or do relate to the words you have written. It is so hard to find any motivation, strength and positivity when you feel that you cannot offer anything to anyone and you just don’t feel worthy isn’t it. It saddens me that you have seen so many people yet is seems that you are yet to find one that truly helps or are you just in a place right now where you feel like you have not been helped? Have you ever had someone who has helped you? I went through a similar thing years ago where I tried so many different medications before I found one that really worked and that didn’t give me side effects that made me feel worse for the most part, it was a hard slog but when I finally found the ones that worked I was so grateful. It can feel like the whole world is fighting against you, I understand and remember that feeling well, even the people that love you don’t seem to want the best for you any more right? I obviously do not know your family but I do know how a negative mind works when we have depression and how it tells us these things in order to make us feel even worse than we already do so maybe and it’s a maybe your family are there, maybe they don’t know what to do for the best? Some people get very confused and scared by mental illness. It might be an idea when you do find a ther-apist that you can settle with to take a member of your family along to get a better understanding? Ultimately friend you have a lot going on and you are at an age where so much is happening so you need to give yourself time and allow yourself the grace to make mistakes be-cause its ok to do that, that is how we learn and if you need to vent you can do that here if you want to of course and I would encourage looking for more therapy and really giving it another chance. Give yourself the opportunity to lesson the baggage a bit because you sound so overwhelmed. Lastly if you can sit one or both of your par-ents or any family member down and really try to talk to them, I think it might help. Much Love Lisa.x
Hi lol
Welcome to heartsupport friend 
. I am sorry you are struggling this much. I want to tell you that what you are going through is common. There is no reason to hate yourself ok. You have A LOT to deal with and you are trying as best as you can! I know there are things you might not like about yourself nad working on them is a good thing but looking at it like “everything is wrong with me” is bad. It wount get you anywhere. When i was where you are now there were a buch of things i did not like about myself. Some of the I started to work on and others just became less important over time. At highschool it might seem like its important how good looking and cool you are and what Jenny and Brad things of you but very soon you will realise it isnt. What is important is what makes you happy and what life do you want to have and what people wound you like to surround yourself with.
You said you are seeing a proffesional. What kind if I may ask? Is it a therapist or a doctor? Anyways I hope you will see yourself in a better light. You are a much better person than you let yourself think.
From: ᏒᎧᏕᎥᏋ
Hi @lol I’m sorry you’re having so much trouble with life right now. I noticed that you’ve have professional help since the 6th grade. Have you been given a diagnosis? You say meds haven’t worked and you’ve seen so many people. Getting a diagnosis is important, so you can get on the right meds. If you already have and you’re not getting anything out of your therapist, it might be time to find someone else. I hope you find peace ~Mystrose
From: SuchBlue
hello and welcome to the forum 
Sometimes we just have no motivation to do anything, and we just can’t find what makes us happy in life. People can also sometimes bring our self-confidence down too. We make this picture of everyone else’s lives, especially with social media nowadays, where we only just see the good parts of one’s life, if they are even real, that is. I see this a lot, and it really hurts me to see how people jump onto this bandwagon of trying to make your life look better so that you can be accepted by everyone else. You see it here too, your friends are distancing themselves from you. That can be for a lot of reasons, maybe because one thinks they’re less superior than the other, and so they’re tired of looking like the better person in the friendship.
I don’t know what kind professional help you’re getting, but I’d make sure to be as open as possible with the person you’re talking to in order to get this help so that things can go as smoothly as possible. Just know that nobody is living a good life, and I can speak for myself, I also get panicked when someone just asks me a question and things like that 
I believe in you, you can do this 
Nice 3 letter name btw 
From: eloquentpetrichor
Hello, lol! Welcome to the forum!
Have you tried to explain to your friends about your struggles a little bit? You don’t have to go into detail but real friends will understand if you are a little socially anxious and it’s difficult for you to interact. How are you at interacting with your friends through text or a messaging app? Are you able to keep up with them pretty well? As you are finishing off HS the digital interactions and bonds become the most important so that those friendships can continue as you all do different things after graduation. So if you are able to interact with your current friends remotely even if not in person then you may be able to help repair and continue those friendships you want to keep.
So many of the things you list are things I have struggled with my whole life as well. I’ll tell you that you can and will have friends in your life who not only accept those quirks but will love you for them. And you may have them already if you are brave enough and trust them enough to share how awkward you are. Maybe they already know. Tell them you like spending time with them but it’s difficult. If you feel you are already losing them then you really have nothing to fear from telling them, right? Those are just my thoughts.
May I ask what the ‘professional help’ is if you don’t mind sharing? It sounds like if you have been seeing a therapist or therapists for six years you should have some kind of diagnosis naming your struggles. But I may be wrong. I hope you manage to find someone who you feel can really help you.
It sounds like you’ve had quite the struggle and I’m proud of you for trying to overcome things you dislike but I hope you find a way to love yourself as well. You sound like a unique individual and a caring friend when you are in a situation that makes you comfortable. I see myself in your story and if I’m right about that then I think you will find lots of wonderful friends who will love you for all of the quirks and oddities that make you the special person you are.
Good luck and I hope to see more updates from you in the future. March to the beat of your own drummer
i am glad i am here too<3 thank you for taking time to reply. i am seeing a therapist and i’ve been trying my best to use their tips and stay positive about things the best i can. i enjoy reading, actually and have been trying to do more of it!
From: twixremix
hi again, my friend! wanted to follow up on how things are going, especially as graduation draws closer. how are you holding up? have your therapy sessions given you any useful tools to help you cope with this transition? wishing you the best of times ahead and please know that your heartsupport community has got your back through it all!
love,
twix
From: ᏒᎧᏕᎥᏋ
Hi lol I wanted to check up on you to see if you’ve figured anything out with your meds? That’s really great that you’re reading as a way to stay positive! ~Mystrose
From: SuchBlue
Hi there, have you been doing any better since you’ve posted this? Would love to get an update from you, hope things have improved and things are starting to get together again ~SuchBlue
From: eloquentpetrichor
Hello there, lol! It’s been awhile and I wanted to check in. How have things been going? Did you manage to open up to your friends about things? Have you been able to interact with them anymore? I hope you are continuing to embrace the person you are.
You mentioned wanting to read more in your response. Have you been doing that? I love books and reading. What have you been reading? Do you need any recommendations? I’ve got lots in different genres I would love to recommend to you.
Hope to hear from you soon
From: Lisalovesfeathers
Hi Friend, Its been a while since you posted and I was wondering how things were going with you? has life got any better? do you feel any more motivated at all and if so what have you been doing to get yourself this way? I would love to know how you are. Its so hard t get yourself out of a dark place but it really is possible and I truly hope you are finding your way out. please remember we are here if ever you need any more support. Best wishes to you. Much Love Lisa xx
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