Sometimes it feels like I’m almost progressing and regressing at the same time. This week has been a bad one for depression symptoms but I still made some good steps forward. With me back on my depression meds, I’m more of a reclusive sleepy type depressed over the more angry variety I experience. I think this is better because I cause less harm to myself and others in this state and there’s less self sabotage. I even feel a bit brighter yesterday and today (which is about right because it’s usually 4-6 weeks from start when I see improvement. I connected with a new mentor, kept up with hygiene, and had a good therapy session. I also made some decent progress on my little side project comic in between other things (just a few hours here and there but it’s still work done). It’s hard to not let myself spiral over tiny mistakes but I think I handled losing track of time and missing an event yesterday with a lot more slack than normal. I also was able to make some important calls (including meeting my new mentor which was low-key anxiety inducing), grab essentials from the conrer store, and keep all but one appointment in the past two weeks all while agoraphobia is super high. I missed the appointment due to a migraine not anxiety or avoidance so I’m okay with that and not beating myself up over it.
I’m a little frustrated with myself because there’s been a backslide in the housekeeping and a few things I keep forgetting and putting off. As a solution I booked an appointment with my case manager to make the rest of my calls and talk next steps and reminded myself that phone anxiety is a real thing and this is what support workers are for. I also came up with some strategies to reduce rumination whith my sister and am going to hold myself accountable to my new mentor for the housekeeping. There’s still been no word from the landlord about pest treatment, but I suppose I can talk to my worker about that next week in our metting. It’s been a mixture of wins and losses lately and this is just an attempt to not focus so much on where I’m going wrong, but bring a more balanced perspective to light. No need to respond, thank you for reading.
Cheers, Tek