I am back on testosterone but I feel like something is missing… I’m not sure how to describe it. I feel a little stuck at the moment. I keep thinking about the past instead of the future… And boy, what an ugly past that was. I am still dealing with slight suicidal ideation but it’s not as bad as it was. I’ve told my therapist recently about some bad thoughts. He said they’re homicidal thoughts. I’ve had thoughts like that ever since I was a kid. But now I’m constantly over thinking things. I don’t want to hurt anybody! I’m scared of the what if’s…
I am not sure how to respond to this. But, I feel like someone should reach out to personally if you are having homicidal and suicidal thoughts currently and overthinking them. And if you need some help, the best I could do for you is listen and reach out some verbal support. And I hope your past can heal for you, it’s not a great idea to constantly think about them.
I understand. It’s just I worry too much
Hello friend, welcome to HeartSupport - I am glad you reached out to us. I am curious about your post and that you said you are back on testosterone - is this prescribed by a doctor? I know low testosterone can lead to lost of overall physical and mental health challenges, so I was just curious. You also mentioned an ugly past, I was curious if you wanted to share more about that - if its not too triggering to write about. I hope you are able to find a support network of friends, family, and I’m glad you have a therapist - I know that talk therapy for me in the past has really helped me process a lot of intrusive thoughts and emotions. Feel free to reach out to us anytime for additional support - I know that you don’t want to harm yourself or anyone else - and you know those thoughts are wrong - so moving forward I encourage you to find activities, support groups, or exercise to work through your current struggles. Be well, and peace be the journey.