On days when things do not go as I have planned, a voice sounds in me that says to me, “You’re worth nothing, can you really do anything?” then I see only my mistakes, the negative sides. you’re too fat, too unsportsmanlike, ugly, stupid etc … I hate those thoughts, but do not manage to “break out” … even if friends make me compliments, like: you’ve done well that looks great ! wow that went fast! i only have these bad thoughts about me and can not accept that positive feedback. my head is full of this crap and start hating myself and putting myself down.
I know what you mean about not being able to accept love and compliments. A lot of times when my friends tell me positive things I think they are just kidding. It’s a really vicious way of thinking. But my friend, please be kind to yourself. I am trying to be kind to myself as well so I’m working on it too. Little things help. For example when you make a mistake instead of saying all the bad things you are, remind yourself of the good things you have done. Remind yourself that this mistake does not define you. When someone you are friends with compliments you don’t immediatly shrug it off, even if you want to. I tell people, “thank you for saying that.” Or “I appreciate that”. At first I hated doing that, but after a while it helped me to accept kindness from friends. It’s like, even though I don’t think I deserve the love just expressing my gratitude helps me be kind to myself while being kind to those around me. Be patient and kind to yourself. Self love is a journey.
Like Cassie said, I can totally relate man. You are definitely not alone with this internal war that you’re facing.
It’s so tough to feel like there’s literally nothing you could do to ever impress enough people to accept yourself. Isn’t that the bitch of it? That at the end of the day the person you’re really trying to win over is yourself, and at the end of the day, the last person you could ever convince is yourself? Gosh, it’s so gnarly. Our own self-perception is so knotted and foggy and muddy and damaged that we can’t see the glory and the beauty and the strength of who we are and who we were made to be.
A turning point that would be really helpful is for you to not only name what those thoughts are but to finally draw a line in the sand and call a spade a spade…those thoughts are lies, bro. They’re not the truth about you. They can’t be the truth about you. You’ve tried your whole life to be those things, to be enough, to have what it takes, to be accepted, to be worthy…and if by now you couldn’t earn it, chances are you never will – AT LEAST with the way you’ve been trying to earn it. What if there’s a totally different reality? What if you already ARE those things? What if you already are enough, if you already have what it takes, if you already are accepted, if you already are worthy? What if you never had to earn those things, but those things were just true about you because you’re you?
Jesus says, “You will know them by their fruit.” What he means by that is that you will be able to discern what is the truth and what is the lie by the effect it has in your life.
Lies produce bad fruit.
Truths produce good fruit.
How have these thoughts produced fruit in your life? Believing you’re not enough, you’re ugly, you’re stupid, you’re fat, you don’t belong? What effect has it had in your thought life? Your relational life? Have you felt more or less inclined to receive love and friendship and relationship as a result? Have you felt more or less confident? More or less capable? More or less shameful? More or less excited and hopeful and energetic about life?
I think the answer is clear. These thoughts have produced bad fruit. They simply can’t be the truth. These thoughts are what they are – they are lies.
And if you believe that, if you’re tracking with me, we have to go on a quest for the truth. And then you have to test it in your life and see what kind of fruit it produces so you can be sure.
What would it be like if you believed you are enough? That at the end of the day you are loved? That you are embraced and accepted and worthy and always forgiven and always included and always delighted in? Man, those truths have set me free in so many ways…it’s taken so long to replace the lies I’ve believed for so long with the truth – don’t let me fool you into thinking that this is easy and fast…it’s not! But it is worth it. I’ve been replacing the same lies in my life with these same truths – that God loves me, that He gave everything for me, that Jesus said I was enough to die for, that He delights in me, has open arms for me, celebrates me, loves the sound of my voice, is proud of who I am, believes I have what it takes, champions me, encourages me, delights in me and all of my successes and failures, he is with me and will never forsake me, and there’s nothing that could ever separate me from His love. These truths – that are written in the Bible and are being written in my heart – are changing me. They are producing good fruit. I am learning to love myself. To accept myself. To be kind to myself. To like who I am and who I am becoming. They are giving me confidence and capability and power and respect and honor. They are propelling me forward, and all the while they are keeping me anchored. I am healthier, happier, more hopeful than I’ve ever been – and this has been a 10 year process for me so far and I am very deeply engaged in it on a daily basis.
The point here is that the truth has set me free and It can you too. The lies will always keep you down, and the truth will lift you up. Will you get hungry enough to chase the truth down? Will you get fed up with the lies and believe that there’s better out there? That the truth is out there, and you can find it? Will you give up believing that these lies that have influenced your life are what define you? Will you open yourself up to new possibilities? I believe you can. I believe you will. The truth is so much sweeter. Seek it above all else, and all these things will be added to you. Hopeful for you, man. You are not what you have thought you are; you are everything you hoped you would be…right now…and you are loved all the while in the process.
I thank you both for answers. I will take your question with me and make me search for answers and especially looking for that truth! I know that Jesus loves me and wants to help me. maybe I should just talk to him more and tell him how I feel. I will now look for the truth and keep you up to date.
Hey @ironcobra - I bumped into this video a few days ago and I HIGHLY recommend for you to give it a watch. It’s extremely powerful. I hope you like it! Your thoughts are powerful so make sure to fill yourself with words of life and affirmation.