Battling my addiction

I’ve been struggling lately…
I’m kinda embarrassed to share this but addiction has always been apart of my life. If it’s not one thing it’s another. For a long time now I’ve been batting an addiction to pornography and it’s ruining my life. It’s slowly destroying my relationship with my wife and she continues to forgive me but I can’t forgive myself for how I continue to hurt her. Every time I have an encounter it completely ruins my day and mental attitude towards anything. When I’m around a group of my friends I often feel like I’m on another planet because I’m so mentally focused on how I’ve failed and how I just continue to hurt those that love me most. There’s days when the best time of my day is when I’m asleep and waking up is like waking into my own nightmare that I’m secretly living. I’m tired of carrying this burden and I challenge myself to stop every day but I always seem to get pulled back to it. To use it as an escape or I get triggers through out the day. I want to be a better person and not allow this to control my life! I want to be free! It’s a topic that I feel people may not understand but it’s time that I make a step towards changing I don’t want my life to be like this forever because I know in the end I’ll be left with nothing.


Hey @Zach92.
I get being addicted and being disappointed in yourself and getting pulled back. I have an addiction too, but sadly I’m not strong like you are to admit it. We always try to challenge ourselves, by ourselves, don’t we? I unexpectedly found a way to avoid my addiction. There’s a usual place where you delve into your addiction, right? Stay away from it for a night or two, don’t bring any reminders of it with you, keep company to distract yourself. Triggers suck, don’t they? Whenever I feel a trigger (and this may sound weird) I think of something very depressing to bring my mind and mood back down. Something that reminds you of harsh reality. I think of this character in a TV show I like, someone who loved his village very much. But his clan was rebelling, so he was forced to kill his entire clan. His parents, grandparents, everyone, but his little brother. He accepted being branded as a traitor, exiled, and hated by his little brother. He sacrificed everything and joined a criminal organization and lived a life surrounded by hate and despair and tears, but he still died with a smile on his face. Because in the end, he managed to keep his little brother alive. He made his brother strong by making him want revenge for their clan.
Stuff like that, y’know? Something that reminds you of what’s important.

Good luck. I believe in you pal. :slightly_smiling_face:

Thanks for you response, it means a lot. I’m going to try to have more positive outlets and distract myself. In time I hope it gets easier. Thanks again.

Is it effecting your sex life? Would you rather watch porn than have sex with your misses? That’s where i find this porn a problem, Yeah porn is great to have a peek into every now and then, but when your enjoying the porn more than the misses i think this is a problem. you could try go cold turkey and have all porn sites u used blocked by ur isp. but i dont think that will work. i guess when u get the urge from a picture u see or a hot girl on a vid/movie or what not you quickly distract yourself and dont feed into it (thats what i try to do) and just keep doing that! see what happens, Not sure if this helps

I appreciate you trying to help. It’s had a negative tole on our relationship. Being completely fine for months and then falling back into it and having to break her heart again which in turn brings me to a very dark place. For me it just seems like I’m always battling some form of addiction. When life gets hard I turn to an escape, but I’m realizing it’s not an escape. It maybe in that moment but then it’s 100 times worse after. I’m definitely glad I found heart support it’s been a true blessing, and I think it will help me become a better person.

how did she find out, have you told her? does she catch you or something? Yeah I get u man, Anything else you can get addicted to instead? rewatch 10 seasons of stargate sg1 haha?

I don’t like keeping secrets from my wife. She knows me and can sense when something’s bothering me.

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yeah I get u man, I think she knows shes got a good guy dude!

Thanks I appreciate that