I haven’t been on here in a long while, I have been debating posting but I always feel super whiny talking about myself. I was watching the Heartsupport YouTube today and I’m just going through it right now and don’t have anyone in my life I can honestly talk to so this is just kind of my journal I guess. I’ve been going to a therapist and a psychiatrist, got new meds and thought I’d feel magically better but I don’t. Almost the opposite, I have been super manic for awhile, financially I’m a mess I’m about to lose my car and mess my credit up and my girlfriend co signed for me so that’s going to blow up, my job has been miserable and it seems like a prison I won’t get out of at this point. I want to change careers but I’m about to be 31 and feel like it’s too late to do that. Idk I’m manic I feel out of control, then you have the good ol dark thoughts and those create nightmares for me so I don’t sleep. I’m not sure what else to say I just needed to vent I guess. Thanks for letting me vent here
Hey Donavand,
Appreciate you taking the time to make this post. I can relate to a lot of what you are saying here.
When I first got prescribed with medication, about 1.5 years ago, I had the same thought process as you where I thought that the medication would fix all my problems.
Unfortunately, I too, to my dismay, ended up having a bad experience with it.
You should call your doctors office and let them know what you are experiencing…
Maybe even reaching out to someone close to you.
I know it can be discouraging and scary. But please, don’t loose hope. It’s really good that you are seeing a therapist and psychiatrist, and taking those steps really show to me that you are trying to get on a better path. This is something to be super proud about!
I know things can feel like everything is going wrong all at once. It’s really scary, overwhelming, stressful. Just take a deep breath. Despite everything going on, the world feeling like its about to collapse in on you, everything is going to be okay.
You have people in your life that love and care about you.
Hey Donavand, I want to welcome you back and I also am really glad you felt safe to come and share. It’s not always easy to find a safe space or to feel like you can talk to people around you, but here is always a space that can be held for you when you need it.
It sounds like you’re going through a lot of stress right now and on top of that it sounds like it’s frustrating and confusing for you to feel like medications aren’t helping. I would think that the pressure of finances alone is enough to intensify an already existing mental health concern.
There could be any reason that you’re feeling manic and it would not be our place to try to figure that out, but what I would encourage is to keep talking to your drs about how you are feeling and really seek reassurance from them during this time.
I know it’s an uncomfortable process and it can be at times disheartening, but it can also be a process that helps resolve what works and what doesn’t.
I want to clarify on this next part that I am in no way advising you about your work life and maybe this could also be something to discuss with your healthcare professional team, but what I do want to encourage is that when you are in a place where you feel you can apply for another job, 31 is not really an issue. When I did my studying I felt very much the same, that I was moving into a career too late in life, but I was so surprised and in awe that everyone in my class was older than I was. There was an age range from 20-50+ and it was so wonderful and comforting to see that people can go for what they want when they are ready. Age did not limit them.
Thanks for the reply’s! Today has been very rough! I’m struggling to not relapse but I told some people around me I’m struggling, I scheduled an appointment with my therapist Monday, and tomorrow one of my co workers who is also my neighbor and best friend told me he would help me get my resume cleaned up and all so I can start trying to find a new job, he is also leaving our company! I also reached out to my mentor who has become like a mentor today and got some good advice. This process is brutal I think with my meds maybe I messed up when I take them or maybe being as I’m on multiple meds now I might have mixed them all up. I’m still not sure what to do right now, I’m a mess but I reached out to my girlfirend and others today and today I feel like I have some more support and that’s been a relief today because I was on the edge