I’m on the verge of committing suicide…I cant understand my family nor myself…I dont understand why I’m not good enough for them…I get good grades so why is it that you still expect something from me…I’m so scared of my father. I dont want to call him my father at all because can you really call someone your father if hes so aggressive to you. Whenever I try to voice my opinion he shouts, he then comes up to me and backs me up in a corner it makes me so scared that I think torture is less painful than standing against him… i cant believe I’m alive for this long actually…I’ve always wanted to kill myself… I see no purpose in living in this boring hypocritical world. I hate it. Which is why before I die… before I kill myself. I want to ask why do you all keep continuing to live. You see I came here to find my reason to live… to find the purpose, goal or dream I’ve been longing for but it just feels like theres no one in my body. Like theres no soul, no passion… I rly want to find the reason to live again but in all honestly I hope that I be reborn into a new and different world… I’m so sick of life. It’s so disgusting. I’m sorry… but I would appreciate it if you would answer my question please.
Please, stay with us. I don’t want you to harm yourself.
Finding a purpose in your life is highly personal. And it gets hard to think about it when you feel so much pain and when you have to live with someone such as your father. I’m so sorry he scares you and I can’t imagine how it is for you to live like this. I grew up with an abusive parent and it felt so many times like it was the end of the world. I was disgusted too. Yet years passed, I’m not in this situation anymore and I also had the occasion to live positive things, to meet wonderful people after that.
There is hope. And there is hope for you. I hear you. I hear your despair. Please, use those numbers and/or online chat:
- Crisis text line - text HOME to 741741
- Suicide hotline - 1-800-273-8255
- National suicide prevention chat - http://chat.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/LifelineChat.aspx
- National child abuse hotline - 1-800-422-4453
This world can be so scary and beyond understanding. But yet even if there are people who are able to do the worse, there also people who actually make this world a better place. Together we’re stronger, friend. This community can help you to carry on what’s burdening you, to give you support on this journey. We can talk about what’s going on and try to find healthy solutions together, with the resources you have right now. Suicide is not a solution. Thinking about it is a cry from your heart but I promise you that you are not alone. And I’m sorry it hurts so much.
This is not the end, friend. Please stop what you’re doing or intended to do. You don’t deserve any more pain. You deserve love and gentleness, always. And even if you didn’t receive it yet, there is still hope and you’re already so much love right now. Give yourself this chance to know what beautiful things this world has to offer to you. You matter. I want you to be okay. 
Hey Fcave1 I here you and I know what that’s like to go through. My father was in a abusive relationship for quite a long time and it maid my life a living hell. One day I reached my breaking point. So just like yourself I too was planning on suicide. Assumed nothing could get better, nobody appreciates anything I do and could care less what I do if if I’m even here. (I’ll get real personal with you for a sec) they day I planned on ending it all I went downtown by the river. Plan was just to jump off the bridge so I drove down parked my car and 2as ready to go. Then something happened something clicked in me and I decided to call the suicide prevention line. That day I will always remember very vividly because I was at the lowest of the low.
I called the suicide hotline and just started talking, at first it was extremely hard for me to do but a few minutes past and I started telling them everything I could. I was on the line with them for nearly 2 hours and after those two hours everything changed. I could tell that someone in this world cared about me even though they didn’t know who I was.
I think everyone has a purpose in life, a goal that deep down they want to achieve and you just need too find yours even if you think there isn’t one. nobody is always happy it’s something you have to pursue. I will leave you with one quote from Chris Gardner a man who had nothing except for hope.
“The world is your oyster. It’s up to you to find the Pearls.” I wish you luck and I hope this helped even if its just a little. I suggest you watch a movie called the Pursuit of happiness.