Being confined and isolated felt nice when I’m in my room. Then, I let a friend visit me. I didn’t even mind. I understand we had to protect each other from this virus. But, I feel like my parents have taken it too seriously ending up making it worse. They always assumed the wrong things too, they think the public bus is full of people when really it’s only like just like 1 or 2. The park? It was the only Safehaven until they assumed there will be many when it’s only just some people. Then, it took matters into the worst case possible. I came home with a undergo sanitation from my mother. After that, without even knowing (which always fear every day) is that my own mom looks through into my stuff. Especially, the only book I can scream my anger too instead of to them. Both parents were upset about what they read. Before I get into what I’ve said. Please don’t take this offensively if you’re a parent. If you understand where I’m coming from. You’ll see why.
(Also, I’m not saying anything specific.) I’ve written about how I felt about suicidal at times and insulting my parents a few times. Sometimes, I understood why certain people will read it (either my consequences or just to a special friend of mine). But, not to my parents. They wanted to understand me but, I couldn’t. Because ever had the feeling you wanted to kill them from your anger? That’s my position every day. Before that, my mom always barges in while I wanted privacy. And every time she checks my chromebook for something, I’d always feel uncomfortable. Now, everytime she even comes to my room. I simply just shut the chromebook. Because funny enough, when I watch something or write something. When she wants her nose in it or know specifically what I do. Please help me. How do I deal with my mom being a nosy person and making things worse for me as I want to free in my own space?
Gosh… I can relate to this, so much. When I was young my mom was used to look into my stuff, especially personal ones like diaries/notebooks. She was used to read it and made me feel guilty because of what was written. She was used to come in our room (shared with my sister) without knocking at the door and it was always very intrusive. We stopped what we were doing at the moment because it just felt like, whatever it was, we had to hide it from her. It is so exhausting to feel like you don’t have any privacy. It’s indeed stressful. And it makes you feel like you’re doing something wrong… while you’re just expressing your feelings in a way that is absolutely not harmful for anyone. And I can’t imagine how it is with all this quarantine situation.
On the other side, maybe she is genuinely scared now that something could happen to you since your parents are aware of your suicidal thoughts. It would makes sense for them to be shocked because of what they read. Maybe they were not aware of how you’ve been feeling recently, about life and about them, and they need time to process. But they also need to respect your own privacy.
It sounds that having a good talk with your parents could be needed right now. Just to set some boundaries and see how you can deal with the current situation - being stuck together at home is not necessarily easy. Did you have the occasion to share with them about how you’re feeling, directly, and why you wrote this? Not to justify yourself. You have the absolute right to feel how you feel. But just to allow them to have a better understanding of what you are going through. They can be a bit lost now. Not prepared to react properly to what they read. And… I know, it’s annoying to have to take this step and make the effort of discussing with them. But I can only encourage you to give it a try. This could be an opportunity for all of you to create a new way to communicate and see how you can support each other. Also for your parents to understand that respecting your privacy is needed and goes along with a certain amount of trust between you all. There can be a lot of resent and misunderstanding coming from this situation. And trying to talk (or even to write to them?) could be worth the try, if you’d be comfortable enough with that.
Hang in there, friend. Sending love to you right now.
Thank you for your understanding @Micro, at this point. I feel like I have to wait until the tide is right. To be honest, I’m ready but, the time itself isn’t. Making me feel anxious and nervous. For right now, I’ll see what I can do for the advice of yours, Micro. Thanks a bunch!
Makes totally sense. I understand. It’s better to wait for the right moment when you want of have this kind of conversation. If you want to/are comfortable with that, let us know how it goes for you. I hope you will be able to make the best of this situation, all together. And if you ever need to share anything or vent, to find some privacy here, feel free to use this thread. It’s still something.
