I hope you don’t mind, but I wanted to take some time and tell you all a story. It’s about me and it might relate to some of you reading this. My journey with HeartSupport has helped me see that opening up about our issues doesnt make us weak, it allows us to grow stronger. I am really scared to post this because I’m not sure how people will react. But this is a part of my story and I won’t be able to fully conquer it until I face it. So sit back, relax, and let me take you back in time.
It’s spring of 2014 and I am a student at West Virginia University. For the past 4 years I’ve dealt with severe depression and never told anyone. Unfortunately, when my parents found my scars and my grades had shown I had failed my classes, I couldn’t keep it a secret anymore. I felt scared and alone. I went to some very dark places and I fought so hard just to survive. I decided to go see a therapist. After a few sessions they had me see a psychiatrist. I’ll never forget the drop in my stomach when I heard the doctor say “bipolar disorder”. I was so upset. NO! I have depresssion and and anxiety. I was told by people that people with bipolar disorder are crazy and can’t keep relationships. That didn’t fit me! My doctor tried to show me where my symptoms matched but I didn’t want to hear it. I remember driving home and setting my papers about the diagnosis and session on fire. (I actually set them on fire, please dont do that). I didn’t want anyone to know that I had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. What would they think of me? I also remember my mom telling me sometime after this that “at least I didn’t have bipolar disorder because those people are crazy!” I knew I could never tell her the truth. That has stopped me from being honest or open with anyone about my experiences.
A few years went by and I went to a different therapist and doctor. I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder. But ive never been truly honest about the things in my life. Recently I have found myself struggling. I’ve taken a step back and tried to analyze my life. I’ve realized that there are symptoms that are common with hypomania in bipolar 2 (which I was diagnosed with) such as quitting my job on a whim, dropping hundreds of dollars on a concert, applying for two jobs at once, signing up for too many classes, writing 4 songs in one week and then crashing hard. But it’s not always a hard crash. It’s gradual. There are things in my life that just fit with that diagnosis.
Heartsupport has helped me see that if this is the right diagnosis I need to be honest about that. I can’t get the right help if I’m not telling the truth about my experiences. And who knows if that is my true diagnosis? Psychology is confusing and complex. But HeartSupport has given me the strength to go see a psychiatrist again and start going to therapy again. I’m really not nervous about going and I kind of want to skip it, but I think it’s for the best. I hope no one judges me or thinks less of me. We are not a stereotype of our disorders or struggles. We are not our disorders. We are all human beings with a purpose and a story. And if you are in a position that you are scared or worried about what others will think, remeber that it is your health and happiness that is most important. The people who are good for you will stay. Hold Fast, my friends. I love you all.
First of all, thank you for sharing with all of us. It takes so much courage and strength to step forward and share your story about your mental health and your journey. I am sure this will give hope to many and that is a wonderful thing. I am glad that Heartsupport has helped you in your journey and that it has helped you to be honest with yourself and grow. Much love to you.
this hits the nail right on the head Cassie, refusing to accept the truth is always the wrong thing to do, but is often also the hardest. i suffer from ptsd, depression, arthritis and fybromyalgia. im 32 and more or less crippled due to fatigue and pain. but it may not have had to be as bad as it is if i had just listened not only to those around me but my body itself and sought out help when i was younger instead of ignoring it, self medicating and just flat out pushing myself too far physically. nobody wants to admit that they are as damaged or as poorly as they are told they are, like in your case with the bipolar 2 diagnosis but its important that to get the right help and to help yourself get better you must be honest with yourself and any professionals you see. best wishes to you and huge hugs from me, and remember there will always be someone who wants to genuinely help x
I’m glad you’re coming to terms with your mental health, and I agree, it’s a very tough thing to diagnose. But what you’ve said is exactly what everyone, especially outside this community, should hear. Moreover, it shows you’ve been making progress for the better, and that is a great thing to see.
Even if your diagnosis is not entirely correct, it doesn’t mean you’re being dishonest. It is in fact just as you’ve said: Psychology is confusing and complex, but there is always an answer that will best match what you are facing. There is nothing wrong in getting re-diagnosed in the case you’re still not confident in the answer you receive from your Diagnosis. Better safe than sorry, right?
Your willingness to share these thoughts is highly commendable, and shows just how strong you’ve become during this journey. Continue to be strong and keep pursuing the answers you seek.
Cassie, I’m so proud of you and how far you have come. You are truly an inspiration. Thank you for letting me be a part of your life. So what you have a diagnosis, that doesn’t define you, you are not hiding behind it, you are fighting and pushing yourself every day and becoming the person you were ment to be.
I personally have Bipolar 2 disorder. I know what it feels like to want to reject that feeling. However, I was diagnosed nearly 10 years ago. It does get better.
@DyllonKG
Thank you so much for your encouragement. It really touched my heart to see your replies and the replies of people on your stream. It meant a lot.
Thank you everyone for your kind words. It can be scary being honest, but you guys reminded me how amazing this community is. I’ll keep you guys posted on everything in the future. Also,if you are reading this and you can relate to anything I posted or any of the replies posted, remember that you are not alone. We are in this together. <3
I’m new here but I read this and wanted to share. I too struggled with being honest about my diagnosis. I have PTSD and though my symptoms are under control and I typically only struggle with self harm now, I truly didn’t want to hear it at first when I was told that’s what it was. Even tho all the signs clearly pointed that direction. Anyway. I’m glad you are sharing your story it helps me not feel as alone either. Keep strong you are a wonderful person and thanks again for sharing.
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